Saturday, January 10, 2009
I thought maybe I had missed this altogether
I have a hard time with depression but for the last several years, I've managed to dodge the bullet. Not this week.
I tried eating right, regular bedtimes, positive thinking....exercise...everything that usually takes the dreaded black edge off.
Mind you, I've done okay for several years. When the black dog comes trotting to my door, I don;t mark it on my calendar, so I think it's been a couple of years. Maybe even three. (If you don't count when my inmates wanted to kill me. That wasn;t depression, that was reality.)
So I tried what usually works; got my nails done. Got my toes done. Had my hair cut.
Cried there and back.
I might be reading the paper too much.I KNOW I'm reading the paper too much.
All there is is gloom and doom and layoffs and furloughs. (I got my furlough letter. I get to choose two days a month for my unpaid days off. Not the best but I still have my job.) My job is offering golden handshakes to get people to retire early--and I'm thinking GREAT! Retire and let me inch closer to the top. I'm planning another five years. After that, I don't know.
Real Estate--which is what we are mainly invested in--is flatlined right now. At the least, all the units are occupied. I'd like to see the house we live in right now and move up to the hotel EVEN WITHOUT HEAT. But that doesn't look like it is going to happen. Maybe in two years.
Then there is the total slowdown in building. Usually at this time of year, we are booked way into November. Not this year. We have a few jobs, so we are busy, just not crazy busy.
And then the jail is laying off and even though Lisi can't see it, I can see that she is on the short list. They are giving her too much overtime for them to be fully staffed but she isn;t permanent yet. So I worry about that, too.
So I'm one depressed, unhappy, up-all-night, can't-sleep-but-boy-can-I-cry mess.
I think I'll go pull some weeds and cry.
Since I'm going to cry, I might as well be busy.