It's about raising an autistic, schziophrenic son. Not an easy read because it hasn't been an easy journey. However, I do think I have a voice and that it would be a help to other mothers in the same boat. He is 22 now and while he is still constantly dealing with concerns, they aren't the same ones he dealt with five years ago.
It helps that that he is very high functioning....but he is still, as he says "crazy as a loon."
I read Danielle Steele's book about her son, Nick and while mine is not as heartbreaking and I didn;t have the kind of money she did for help, in the end, there is NO amount of money that you can throw at this problem that will make it right. If I won the lottery TONIGHT, there wouldn't be enough money to fix him.
Because he's not broken. I believe he is the way he is because God sent him that way. And I believe that God surely must know what he is doing, becasue if he doesn't, we are all screwed with a phillips head. (My mother used to say that...she said it sounded less low class.)
So I did the best I could and handed him 500 pages...which I think is A LOT. Hoping that he doesn't tell me to burn it or wait until he is dead before I do anything with it, because I think it is a powerful story.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Another weekend at the beachhouse
I love these long, lazy quiet weekends here. I can sit and knit and watch the hummers and butterflies in my little garden, but we mainly do ittle to nothing. When I bring Rocket, I will walk the two blocks to the little park....and there is always the tide to watch. And the golfers.
Yesterday was particularly busy...Girlie came up with us and we went to town to the bookstore. The end. That was the sum total of what we did. (Well, besides fixing meals...which is nothing!)
She cannot believe that we just rest up here....there are so many things to do....what she doesn;t realize is that I've DONE them all. We have even quit going out to eat because...well, I like the food we fix ourselves better. No tables to wait for, no disappointing surprises. I have just one place I like for clam chowder and onion rings and I don;t really care to go find another place. I lke this one.
We are going to Arizona next week...and I put my foot down. NO EATING AT THE CHEVRON STATIONS. We have to actually STOP to eat. When we did the road trip from Florida to California, we were on a real time restraint and didn;t stop once for decent food. It was fill up the car. go to the bathroom and grab something. That whole trip, we were cranky and out of sorts (okay, we did do LA, TEXAS and NM in one day. Texas is one big state.) But we have to eat decently to have any hope of enjoying the trip. And it's not as if we HAVE to get back on Monday at 6 am.
I am still having problems with vertigo...not all the time but when I do, it's a doozy. Going to see Dr. Wong tomorrow to see if he can figure out what is wong with me. Then in mid-Novemeber, I go see a nuero for a CAT scan. No clue as to what the heck is wrong. And my head...I have this nagging little headache that goes along with the dizziness.
I don't mind getting old, but I mind falling apart.
Yesterday was particularly busy...Girlie came up with us and we went to town to the bookstore. The end. That was the sum total of what we did. (Well, besides fixing meals...which is nothing!)
She cannot believe that we just rest up here....there are so many things to do....what she doesn;t realize is that I've DONE them all. We have even quit going out to eat because...well, I like the food we fix ourselves better. No tables to wait for, no disappointing surprises. I have just one place I like for clam chowder and onion rings and I don;t really care to go find another place. I lke this one.
We are going to Arizona next week...and I put my foot down. NO EATING AT THE CHEVRON STATIONS. We have to actually STOP to eat. When we did the road trip from Florida to California, we were on a real time restraint and didn;t stop once for decent food. It was fill up the car. go to the bathroom and grab something. That whole trip, we were cranky and out of sorts (okay, we did do LA, TEXAS and NM in one day. Texas is one big state.) But we have to eat decently to have any hope of enjoying the trip. And it's not as if we HAVE to get back on Monday at 6 am.
I am still having problems with vertigo...not all the time but when I do, it's a doozy. Going to see Dr. Wong tomorrow to see if he can figure out what is wong with me. Then in mid-Novemeber, I go see a nuero for a CAT scan. No clue as to what the heck is wrong. And my head...I have this nagging little headache that goes along with the dizziness.
I don't mind getting old, but I mind falling apart.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
An October MeMe
31 Things You Could Care Less About
1. FIRST NAME? Kathleen. I know, Chloe totally fits me better. Chloe Suzanne.
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Only half of the women in Ireland
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? This morning, I seem to do a lot of that lately
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Actually, yes, It looks like an art student's. Unless I want to be able to deny signing it. Then it looks totally whack.
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Liverwurst.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I would!
7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Only since I was eight. I find it very interesting to "see" me at eight, at 11, at 15, at 33, at 40. I like me quite a lot.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Nope
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Oh yes - I am an adrenaline junkie. What good is doing stuff unless there is a realy real chance of killing yourself?
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Fruit Loops
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? I donl;t even OWn tie shoes!
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? I think I am, now that you mention it. Not physically strong, but emotionally.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Rocky Road. Like ther is any other kind.
14. SHOE SIZE? A petite seven unless they are very high and pointy; then an eight.
15. RED OR PINK? Red..a good lipstick red
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My temper
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My son, before he went crazy, The memory of him as a little boy is sometimes the only way I can deal with him.
18. WHAT COLOR PANTS, SHIRT AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? jeans, white shite, white ballet flats. Nice and plain.
20. LAST THING YOU ATE? Tuna noodle casserole
.21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING/WATCHING RIGHT NOW? Watching the LAKE HOUSE
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Blue. Plain old 8 crayon blue
23. FAVORITE SMELL? Upsoming rainstorms.
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Pat
25. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Eyes...becaause who wants to spend time with people who aren't home?
26. FAVORITE DRINK? Milk with ice cubes
27. FAVORITE SPORT? Scuba diving
28. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES?. Beatles and no, I don;t believe for a minute that Paul beat his wife
29.THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? Europe or South America. A long way.
30. WHAT'S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? I can charm the birds right out of the trees
31.WHERE WERE YOU BORN? California
1. FIRST NAME? Kathleen. I know, Chloe totally fits me better. Chloe Suzanne.
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Only half of the women in Ireland
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? This morning, I seem to do a lot of that lately
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Actually, yes, It looks like an art student's. Unless I want to be able to deny signing it. Then it looks totally whack.
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Liverwurst.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I would!
7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Only since I was eight. I find it very interesting to "see" me at eight, at 11, at 15, at 33, at 40. I like me quite a lot.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Nope
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Oh yes - I am an adrenaline junkie. What good is doing stuff unless there is a realy real chance of killing yourself?
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Fruit Loops
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? I donl;t even OWn tie shoes!
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? I think I am, now that you mention it. Not physically strong, but emotionally.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Rocky Road. Like ther is any other kind.
14. SHOE SIZE? A petite seven unless they are very high and pointy; then an eight.
15. RED OR PINK? Red..a good lipstick red
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My temper
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My son, before he went crazy, The memory of him as a little boy is sometimes the only way I can deal with him.
18. WHAT COLOR PANTS, SHIRT AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? jeans, white shite, white ballet flats. Nice and plain.
20. LAST THING YOU ATE? Tuna noodle casserole
.21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING/WATCHING RIGHT NOW? Watching the LAKE HOUSE
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Blue. Plain old 8 crayon blue
23. FAVORITE SMELL? Upsoming rainstorms.
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Pat
25. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Eyes...becaause who wants to spend time with people who aren't home?
26. FAVORITE DRINK? Milk with ice cubes
27. FAVORITE SPORT? Scuba diving
28. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES?. Beatles and no, I don;t believe for a minute that Paul beat his wife
29.THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? Europe or South America. A long way.
30. WHAT'S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? I can charm the birds right out of the trees
31.WHERE WERE YOU BORN? California
Sunday, October 15, 2006
What on Earth is Wrong With Me?
I cannot get anything done.
My kitchen is a mess.
My office is a mess.
My library is a mess.
I literally cannot force myself to get anything done. Started, yes. Done? No. I totally lose interest and steam. About all I manage is my physical therapy. And I cry, oh, about 5 hours a day. I must be depressed.
My front room is still piled with boxes and boxes of stuff we took with us (to sell on ebay) from the coffee shop.
Ebay is not the "easy and fun " way to make money. You do however, get to meet extremely picky and difficult people you are not related to.
Maybe I'll strip my bed and vacuum upstairs. That sounds like fun.
My kitchen is a mess.
My office is a mess.
My library is a mess.
I literally cannot force myself to get anything done. Started, yes. Done? No. I totally lose interest and steam. About all I manage is my physical therapy. And I cry, oh, about 5 hours a day. I must be depressed.
My front room is still piled with boxes and boxes of stuff we took with us (to sell on ebay) from the coffee shop.
Ebay is not the "easy and fun " way to make money. You do however, get to meet extremely picky and difficult people you are not related to.
Maybe I'll strip my bed and vacuum upstairs. That sounds like fun.
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