ChloeKnits

I've moved this blog over HERE

2009-01-11T13:04:00.001-08:00

http://chloeknits.wordpress.com

Lock, stock and barrel.
Wordpress lets me see my photos, just like blogger used to. Blogger has gone all wonky on me, I opened chloeknitsii and had the very same problems.

So please, join me over at http://chloeknits.wordpress.com

I'm moderating comments now

2009-01-10T12:23:00.000-08:00

Too many viagra invites and then the altogether inappropriate comments from complete and total strangers hawking..well enhancers, for want of a better word. I get tired of wading thru the filth, so I'm just moderating all comments. Nothing personal.

So in an attempt to at least get outside..not that it will help

2009-01-10T10:49:00.000-08:00

I'm off to Miner's for some gardening "stuff". I have a little weeding to do. (Little as in about 15 minutes worth. I need some gloves. There's some wood around back that needs to be tossed. I need a Hudson sprayer. And for my prize (getting out of the house), I'm renting Brothers and Sisters, which I never saw, since it comes on too late.

I have some bulbs which need to be moved and some seeds I need to sow (always). I have some cinderblocks up against the back fence that I'm thinking of putting tomatoes in. Passive heat, since it is cool up here on the hill and there really isn't that long of a growing season. I think planting inside the cinderblocks will give me a couple of degrees and the fence will give the a place to grow. I'm thinking of little Romas, cherrys and ladybug tomatoes. Maybe some heirlooms in different colors and some onions. And maybe bok choy. And fennel up in the corner by the electric meter. It sounds like a LOT but it isn't.

All I need to do is get through this one day.

Just until midnight.

I thought maybe I had missed this altogether

2009-01-10T09:40:00.001-08:00

I have a hard time with depression but for the last several years, I've managed to dodge the bullet. Not this week.
I tried eating right, regular bedtimes, positive thinking....exercise...everything that usually takes the dreaded black edge off.

Mind you, I've done okay for several years. When the black dog comes trotting to my door, I don;t mark it on my calendar, so I think it's been a couple of years. Maybe even three. (If you don't count when my inmates wanted to kill me. That wasn;t depression, that was reality.)

So I tried what usually works; got my nails done. Got my toes done. Had my hair cut.
Cried there and back.

I might be reading the paper too much.I KNOW I'm reading the paper too much.

All there is is gloom and doom and layoffs and furloughs. (I got my furlough letter. I get to choose two days a month for my unpaid days off. Not the best but I still have my job.) My job is offering golden handshakes to get people to retire early--and I'm thinking GREAT! Retire and let me inch closer to the top. I'm planning another five years. After that, I don't know.

Real Estate--which is what we are mainly invested in--is flatlined right now. At the least, all the units are occupied. I'd like to see the house we live in right now and move up to the hotel EVEN WITHOUT HEAT. But that doesn't look like it is going to happen. Maybe in two years.

Then there is the total slowdown in building. Usually at this time of year, we are booked way into November. Not this year. We have a few jobs, so we are busy, just not crazy busy.

And then the jail is laying off and even though Lisi can't see it, I can see that she is on the short list. They are giving her too much overtime for them to be fully staffed but she isn;t permanent yet. So I worry about that, too.

So I'm one depressed, unhappy, up-all-night, can't-sleep-but-boy-can-I-cry mess.

I think I'll go pull some weeds and cry.

Since I'm going to cry, I might as well be busy.

Visiting with Keri and family

2009-01-09T17:22:00.000-08:00

I'll post more photos later; I want to get the journaling done before I forget this whole trip!
Ben stayed at Judy's and cooked and watched Mom, so Judy could have some time off. It is obvious to us (8 years of tending to her counts for something) that Judy is either going to have to PAY someone to come in so she can go out (Eli and Seth are not reliable enough to hold down jobs, much less show up to watch Mom. It's not for nothing that we call them "those people"). Mom is as helpless as an infant and the inute she is left alone, she will try to climb up on a chair on a table. That is just the way she is wired. Stubborn as a hog on ice AND she needs to be the center of attention.

Anyway, after spending Christmas brunch with the bunch, we packed up and left before Judy had a break nervousdown. I did give her a very nice (HUGE) basket with wine and nuts and candies from Avila's Acres, which is my gift of choice. Ben rescued brunch (he can do wonders in the kitchen) and I set the island out, just like I was catering a buffet. (Judy had lots of good stuff in her big ass walk in pantry.) Probably more stuff than she even knew she had. I will give her props--she just moved and there are 400 boxes in the garage, so the house was not ready for company and since I haven't been to visit in ten years, I am not only company, I'm a stranger.

So it is Christmas Day and we are in a hotel in Salt Lake City. Nothing is on television. It is snowing like crazy and we've been driving for days, so we don't want to drive to Trolley Square
although we did go downtown to see the lights at Temple Square. Downtown Salt Lake is always pretty but even it looks like every other city in the world now. I guess malls do that. On the one hand, it's nice to know what Denny's is serving; on the other hand, it would be nice to take a chance on some regional cooking. Needless to say, Denny's was what was open. I can go for the rest of my life without eating there ever again.

We drove up to Layton the next day to meet up with Keri and her family. Staying in hotels is getting old, mainly because there is NOTHING TO DO. I can knit or read or watch tv. There is even less for Mike to do. No wonder the hotels have pools and fitness centers, because otherwise, we would go crazy. This hotel has a 24 hour mini-mart in the lobby---junk food and fruits, too, so there is a choice, which was nice.
This is one of the first trips we've taken where I've been really careful about what we eat---no junk on the road. I packed fruit and yogurt and juices and funny thing, we feel better.

More about my road trip to Utah

2009-01-08T14:35:00.000-08:00

It was snowy-ola on Christmas morning. We drove up to Salt Lake IN a blizzard to Judy's new house (they've been in for a week, so no photos of the 400 hundpacked boxes). She is living in a nature preserve, so the back yards all back out onto a large meadow where there are ducks, geese, deer and I'm not sure what all living, since it was all buried in about six feet of snow. If I lived there, I'd be on the deck or the patio all the time.
However,they don't plow the streets, so I was more than a little worried about sliding off and ending upside down in a ditch (didn't happen). Could have. Once we got there, though, there had been a huge power outage and there was no electricity, so Judy was beside herself.

We managed to get a fire started and Mom wrapped up so she wasn't cold.
Josh and his girls came over (along with his wife...I didn't get a picture of her but she is blond, tall, young and skinny. I sure she is perfectly nice. Josh couldn;t get over how much I look like his mother (we aren;t a really close family. I think I saw Josh 10 years ago on my last trip to Utah. If my mother wasn't living here, I would have no reason to be sitting in this house.)

Seth was there.
He certainly has no sense of humor. None.
Must take after his father's side of the family.
He is crazy, too. Like Ben, only worse. Ben got help and graduated from high school. Seth managed to impregnate half dozen girls when he was good looking, young and unemployed. Now he is just unemployed.

Joe was at work.
Eli continues his boycott of all things Gene. I guess that is working for him.

Ben got a cook book, fixed brunch and decided to stay at Judy's for a few days to vist with Mom. Judy and Mom and I have a rocky relationship at best, so a few hours with me is MORE than enough for the three of us.

He cooked the entire time he was there and Judy just raved about his skills in the kitchen. I'm no cook but Judy cannot throw down at all. Her boys did not starve but that is about it.

Ben, however, can cook.

And by the by...I bet you didn't know that Ireland has the highest rate of schiophrenia IN THE WORLD.

I'm not any better off over at CholeknitsII so I'm still here

2009-01-08T07:08:00.000-08:00

I may try wordpress when this totally breaks down. I can't post photos and see them to move them around; all I can see is code. But over at 2, I get the same thing, so I guess it is a new thing in bloggerland.

At any rate, here I am again and here I'm staying. I did change my header. Notice?

I'm trying to do more knitting this year. My one and only goal. Well, that and pay off my credit cards (8 out of ten this week) and what a story THAT was.

First I try to pay off all the cards onlline...nope. Evidently, online is only if you DON'T want to pay the account off. I have to call a super duper top secret number, where i get one of the rude minions, who wants to know my name, first and last. I tell him and he procedes to call me by my first name. HOLD IT RIGHT HERE. "I'd prefer it if you would call me MRS I'm Paying off my Card, if you don't mind." He promptly transfers me to a woman. She has no problem calling me MIPOMC and waiving the phone fee to do so.

And why could I not pay it online? It is set up to NOT allow you to pay it off online. This is a money making business, you understand.

And all this time, I thought Visa was my friend.

I have a little balance on Amazon and an every present balance on my gas card and then I'm free. Good feeling. Of course, this didn't magically HAPPEN. I've been working on this for an entire year. That would be an entire year of going to the lilbrary. Skipping Starbucks. Skipping the mall. Cooking and cleaning for my own self. (Ok. That was plain punishment for everyone concerned.)

My next budget cutting plan? My own yardwork. I know. I hate it. But since I am obviously the only one i can count on to do it and it is a nice way to unwind at the end of a very long, felon intense day, it will be good for me.

Plus you can take the girl off the farm but you can never take the farm out of the girl. I'd like to get my garden into sale-able shape. The bones are there and we're going to e here for three more years before the economy perks back up.

So expect so interesting only to me garden shots as I make something wonderful out of my little corner of the world here. It is the perfect spot and I have a koi pond filled with great water for irrigation. I just need to get on the garden train every day and go for it. Simple design. Beautiful produce and above all, the illusion that it take only minutes to achieve.

I can do that.
I've been doing that my whole life.

I ran out of space...so you can find me at part II

2009-01-06T18:17:00.000-08:00

http://chloeknitsii.blogspot.com/

This took me totally by surprise (December 23)

2009-01-04T13:46:00.000-08:00

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I lived here for ten years. This kind of weather should have come as no big surprise to be...but it did. This is the night we drove into Payson..December 23, right around 4 pm. I'm a couple of blocks from the little house I used to live in and in a little bit, we're going over to Pat's house to visit for a while and then crash out at the hotel. All of this traveling has just knocked me out.

This is what it looked like when we parked the CAR outside the hotel. You can barely see the hotel!

December 24
We are going to Homestead to go diving at the Crater. When I was at BYU, my sorority used to come here for the weekend. There was llittle of nothing to do--cross country ski, snowshoe, go horseback riding. There was a big hot springs pool and the food was great, but there were no televisons, no radios, no telephones. These are stock photos from the Homestead website. It was SO COLD that it looked like we were walking into the gates of Hell. The water is 96 degrees and the outside air was around 15 degrees. If you ever are in the Provo area, I highly reccomend going up Provo Canyon and spending some time at Homestead. It is wonderful; close to Heber, which has lots of neat shops and activities and you can take the highway around the mountain and circle back towards Salt Lake and drop down into Park City and Emmigration Canyon on your way into town.

After we got home from diving, Pat came and got be so we could juke around. Payson is a lot bigger than it used to be--it even has a Walmart! There's a Subway and a McDonald's but that's about it for fast food. we stopped at a drive up liquor store and got cokes, drove around and gossiped. Drove out to Wilsonville, past Big I's place and Up Yours, over to Angee's...who RAISES ELK! Like a whole herd of them! Is that crazy or what? And Angee looks like Miss America (even after three boys). She lives in one of those big family-cenric houses where there is only one tv, where she can keep an eye on it. The boys are polite and like to hunt. They have snake skins and other critters they've hunted down in their bedrooms (which were tidy and clean). Angee is exactly the way she was when she was 10 and just as sweet. Love her and her mom to bits. I've know them...since 1975 and probably talk to them once a week and email almost every day...usually over nothing; just to keep in touch.

On the road to Utah December 23

2009-01-01T16:51:00.000-08:00

It is o'dark thirty because we get up before the sun comes up. We don't even need an alarm clock. So here we are, about an hour outside of Vegas, thinking about breakfast.

See how much knitting I did? I'm going to fiddle with a couple of ideas I've been thinking about (this is a pattern I've been using for the last 25 years). I want to see if I can add a sideways ribbing, instead of picking up stitches later. So here is where I'm going to make my new little changes. I have about six hours of dry road to fiddle with,

6:30
Is this gorgeous or WHAT? This is the Virgin River Gorge, outside of St. George, Utah. It used to be the bottom of the ocean, so what you are seeing are layers of sedimentary rock, which used to be sand and silt. This is the same part of the world where you can find dinosaur tracks

The ground around here and down south into Arizona (Bryce Canyon, Zion and Grand Canyon) is the most beautiful colors of red and pink and peach. Couple that with the forest greens and weathered greys of the sun-bleached wood...it is really beautiful.

7:15
Outside Cedar City...
Uncle Howie lives here.
Look! some snow!
I heard on the news that there is a big storm headed towards Seattle. I'm hoping that we get a little snow on this trip. But right now, just a little up on the landscape is more than enough for me. We brought chains and I had the car prepped for super cold temps, but I don't even own a warm winter coat. I forgot my Dux boots, but I figure that they have stores even in Utah.

7:45
Parowan, Utah
My friend Karen lives here

8:30
Manderfield
My old room mate from college, Carolina, lives here. She has eight kids. I think her husband is some kind of a farmer.

9:30
Meadow,Ut
Yet another friend from college, Fawn Hunter, lives here.

10:30
Scipio
The roads are dry but we saw deer! (You take the road thru Scipio thru Orderville to Kanab and Tuba City. I taught there for one summer when I was in college and really wanted to teach at the reservation school. For one, it would have canceled out my student loans (I also thought about teaching in Appalachia). But my mother did not send me to BYU to go teach a bunch of poor children. (And what have I been doing my entire career?) Anyway, I liked my time at the Navaho Nation, even though it was a boarding school and there was an immense amount of grinding poverty, drug and alcohol abuse and very young mothers. Knowing what I know now, I'd be a better teacher NOW. Then? I had a sack on my head. I was a do-gooder. Sincere, but without a clue.

11:30 am
Nephi, Utah
It is just now starting to actually snow. Big fluffy soft dry powdery flakes and just at the end of town. I used to work in Payson (about 45 minutes from here). Before I-15 was put in, Nephi had the only stoplight between Orem and, well, Nephi. I was driving to work one day in a terrible snow storm and I missed my exit and didn;t notice it until I stopped at the light in Nephi. I had to find a payphone (long before cellphones) and call in to let Pat know I was going to be late.

Orange trees..really (PM December 22)

2008-12-31T02:11:00.001-08:00

Here it is...noon and there are some of the many miles of orange groves. It is high enough here on the slopes of the foothills so that the oranges don't freeze. In a few miles, it will be too cold and nippy for them. There are mandarin oranges here and avocados, too. Miles of them. A little higher are apples (they need colder weather). Lower down, where I live, are peaches and plums, apricots...stuff like that there.

1:00
It's snowy and stormy and COLD. Look at the sky! It snowed in Vegas yesterday. Marji emailed me and said that it's been windy and cold in Sedona and there is supposed to be a huge storm on the way to Utah from Seattle. I have a sweatshirt and my RiteAide tennis shoes with me. I have my Dux boots..at home. We did bring chains.

1:30
Look at THIS! It's the wind factory in Tehachapi and there is snow and fog and terrible weather everywhere. What was I thinking? Whose idea WAS this? I hate the snow! I HATE the cold! I like my own bed.

1:40
And then like magic, the skies are clear right around the bend on the way down to Mojave.

3:00
This is what the Mojave desert looks like in the winter. Not what you expected, is it?

4:00
Stateline
About an hour outside of Vegas.

5:00
Las Vegas
It looks pretty spectacular at night...just like CSI. This is what it looks like in real life. We stayed at South Pointe Casino for $29. (I looked it up on the web and then called the hotel direct. Got a better price that way. Who knew?)
Of course, wireless internet was $13. Nothing was on tv. You could rent movies for $15. Or you could go gamble. The buffet was $15 (and it was REALLY good and really fresh. Probably the best I've ever had in Vegas. Ever.) Which is what we did and then we went to bed.It was one long day. And tomorrow is going to be longer.

Christmas is early for us: Lisi is working and we'll be on the road

2008-12-24T17:57:00.000-08:00

Perfect: We are all together, snug and safe
Except: Lisi, who is working at the jail Someone has to keep the streets safe. Might as well be her at double time and a half. She volunteered.

We'll have another Christmas with judy and Mom in Utah, so this one is pretty much Lisi-centric.

So here is Lisi's new sewing basket (courtesy of Marji); zip pockets for notions and a sushi pincushion. There is also a needle keeper, a thread braid (I'll post a photo because I can't explain it), good scissors and a bunch of other little things she'll need for mending. Lisi is no seamstress. I lined the inside of the basket so it would look nice but I have no real expectation of her ever ACTUALLY using it. She did teach one of her inmates how to sew on a button and told me that it made her feel really competent, so I'm not a total failure in teaching her those useful skills needed in life (besides balancing her checkbook, doing laundry and saving 10% of her paycheck).

SHU-by Dooby Do

2008-12-20T19:42:00.000-08:00

The SHU is sorta like solitary confinement. It's not for the worst of the worst (as in never get OUT of prison);it's for inmates who just don;t play well with others.

SHU inmates spend 23 hours a day in their cells, usually alone because they can't play nice with a cellie. I have about 50 of them on my caseload and about 10 of them actually are active and doing any work.

The other 40? They write every day and want books or batteries or pencils or televisions but can't manage to get work finished and sent in. Part of it is because they are only using their enrollment to get whatever they think I'm handing out. Part of it is because they are just "stuck on stupid" and afraid that maybe they are stupid and I'll find out.

Funny how that works--a guy doesn;t mind if I think he's a stone killer or a pedophile or uses his own bodily fluids to write on his cell walls but he very much minds that I find out that he can't read. For some reason, if their math skills are bad, that's okay. Reading is a point of pride.

I have one SHU-by who generate more paperwork than all of the rest of my students put together. He reminds me of a toddler who wants some candy and is throwing a bigger and bigger tantrum in his attempt to get that candy. This SHU-by wants a television. He claims that he has to have one to do his school work. (He doesn't.)He writes almost every day--begging. pleading, threatening, cajoling. Trying to be lawyer-like. It doesn;t make any difference because I DON'T HAVE ANY TELEVISIONS.

He 602'd me (inmate complaint) because he has to have a television to do his work. (No, he doesn't.) Then he 602'd me because he can't do his work without a television.
Another 602-he's requested a television from me and I refuse to answer, so there is nothing he can do except write a 602. (Evidently, NO doesn't count as an answer.)

I get dozens of notes every day. Usually, some guy wants to get tested ("I done been here for eight years and I need a TABBY test." No, you don't. You took that test when you entered prison. I don't have time to retest you just because you feel like it.)Occasionally, he wants something else...a computer, a book, a cellphone, some paper, envelopes, a television. I don't have any of that stuff. But I guess it
doesn't hurt to ask.

I might have a TV keistered and want to sit down.

I love to read

2008-12-15T20:16:00.001-08:00

I snagged this from Marji’s blog. It’s is originally from UK’s The Big Read where they assume most people will have only read about 6 of the 100 books listed. Ha.

I say the folks at The Big Read need to have their heads examined since they have The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, and ALL the Harry Potter books listed as one title apiece. I say The Big Read needs to look up the meaning of the word "book" in the dictionary.

Instructions:

1. Look at the list and bold those you have read.

2. Underline those you intend to read.

3. Italicize the books you LOVE.

Put this list on your blog so that we can track down those people who have only read six and force books upon them.

1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

2. Lord of the Rings - J.R.R. Tolkein (Didn’t like it)

3. Jane Eyre -Charlotte Bronte (the world would be a better place if the Brontes had not been given access to pen and paper)

4. Harry Potter series - J.K. Rowling (Couldn’t get into them at first. Like them better now. The movies helped)

5. To Kill A Mockingbird - Harper Lee (I can hear this outloud in my head when I read it)

6. The Bible

7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte (see #3 above)

8. Nineteen Eighty-Four - George Orwell

9. His Dark Materials - Phillip Pullman (Marji has it on her to-read list, so I thought I’d give it a shot)

10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens (He was paid by the word and it shows. At least he avoids the inmate "very, very, very, very" when counting out words.)

11. Little Women - Louisa May Alcott (loved Alcott when I was little. Not so much now.

12. Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy (Poor Tess.)

13. Catch 22 -Joseph Heller

14. Complete Works of William Shakespeare (I still say this is cheating)

15. Rebecca - Daphne du Maurier (Marji’s mother recommended this book when I was about 16. I like most everything du Maurier wrote, especially House on the Strand.)

16. The Hobbit - J.R.R. Tolkein (Didn’t like it)

17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks

18. The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger (I hate this book.)

19. The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger

20. Middlemarch - George Eliot (I never liked the sound of these words)

21. Gone With the Wind - Margaret Mitchell (What was in Rhett’s head?. Stupid Scarlett. Weak Ashley. Poor relation Melanie. That bunch had Brittany Spears/Anna Nicole Smith written all over them.)

22. The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald

23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens (Dickens-still sucking all the words out of the universe)

24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy

25. The Hitchhiker's Guide to Galaxy - Douglas Adams

26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh

27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

28. The Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck

29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll ( Disney has a lot to answer for)

30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame (Better book than a ride)

31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy

32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens (word, word, word)

33. Chronicles of Narnia - C.S. Lewis

34. Emma - Jane Austen

35. Persuasion - Jane Austen

36. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe - C.S. Lewis (Isn't this part of #33?)

37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini

38. Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis de Bernieres

39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden

40. Winnie the Pooh - A.A. Milne (Walt, Walt, Walt)

41. Animal Farm - George Orwell

42. The DaVinci Code - Dan Brown

43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez (I’d like some of that)

44. A Prayer for Owen Meany -- John Irving (I’m not an Irving fan).

45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins (Early Danielle Steele. How did this get on the list?

46. Anne of Green Gables - Lucy Maud Montgomery

47. Far From the Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy

48. The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood

49. The Lord of the Flies - William Golding (Lord, how I hated that book.

50. Atonement - Ian McEwan (what a perfect title)

51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel (this was one nutty book)

52. Dune - Frank Herbert

53. Cold Comfort Farm -- Stella Gibbons

54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen

55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth (I tried but just could not get into this gigantic fat book)

56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon

57. A Tale of Two Cities - Charles Dickens (It is a wonder there are any words LEFT for any of us to use)

58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley

59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime - Mark Haddon

60. Love in the Time of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck 62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov

63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt

64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold LOVED IT

65. The Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas

66. On the Road - Jack Kerouac

67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy

68. Bridget Jones' Diary - Helen Fielding (How did this get on the list?)

69. Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie

70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville

71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens

72. Dracula - Bram Stocker

73. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett

74. Notes From a Small Island - Bill Bryson

75. Ulysses -- James Joyce

76. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath

77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome

78. Germinal - Emile Zola

79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray

80. Possession - A.S. Byatt

81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens

82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell

83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker

84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiquro

85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert

86. A Fine Balance - Rohintin Mistry

87. Charlotte's Web - E.B. White

88. The Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom

89. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

90. The Far Away Tree Collection - Enid Blyton

91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad

92. The Little Prince - Antoine de Saint-Expury (I think everyone at college read this and thought it was SO DEEP. I thought it was SO STUPID)

93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks

94. Watership Down - Richard Adams LOVED IT

95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole

96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute

97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas

98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare (again, isn't this part of #14?)

99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl

100. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

I am embarrased to say there are some books here I have never heard of. It’s a UK list—but where is Mark Twain? Dick Francis? Jodi Picoult? J.D.Robb? Oxbow Incident? Red Badge of Courage? The Great Gatsby? All of the books Oprah reads?

I don't knit for Christmas

2008-12-14T19:37:00.000-08:00

Knitting for me is the Zen of my existence. It is the white noise that enables me to enter into the belly of the beast every morning. I actually had a conversation with my son about this today about my chances of getting murdered at work. Every day I don't increases the chances that I will. That's what I get paid a cartload of money for and have a cartload of insurance.

So last week, when I was THINKING about knitting some little holiday sweater ornaments for people in ple in the office I made one up, just to see how long it would take, since I have the yarn. (It was supposed to be for a little wrap sweater for Lisi, only Full Metal JACKASS found it every place I hid it and now there isn't enough for a sweater.)

It took 2 hours and 32 minutes to make a very cute cute very cute little miniature sweater ornament. Knitting at top speed, which IS NOT ZEN KNITTING. That, my friends, is BUSINESS KNITTING. Times the 13 people I need to gift by Wednesday, because you never know when someone will up and decide not to come in...32 hours of Zen knitting time I will never get back. So forget that silliness.

So I went to Target, got some little felt snowman stockings, stuck some candy bars in them for the gals, little bags of dilled nuts for the guys and there you go. $15 and 15 minutes.

Then there are family gifts. This year we agreed on no gifts because we gave the gifts ahead of time...and darn nice ones they were.

Here is the way I usually do Christmas

Get yourself a list. I can't stress the planning enough. There must be a list. The list must be carefully considered. The list must be constructed weeks in advance when there is no pressure or panic. July is the perfect month. Plenty of money in July. Plenty of time in July.The list must not monkeyed with overmuch. My list contained SEVEN people in July. The list was sealed yesterday and contained TWENTY FOUR people.
Do not fall prey to $99 items at Blockbuster, even if the guy at the counter says that these are the last two on the planet. No one needs them.
At no time may anyone be allowed to make a trip to Rite Aide to get stocking stuffers. We don't need any more stuff. We have enough stuff
I know what Marji likes. Get that. I know what Pat likes. Get that. Wrap it and be done with it.
Ben got a house and new linens (and right now, I'd like some new linens myself.) That is enough.
Lisi got car insurance for a year, AAA for a year, rabies shots, neutering, dental work AND a microchip for Jack, plus a sewing box with all the fixings. Very cute, if I do say so my own self.
Be honest. Take a reality pill. Look at the list. Ask yourself what the odds are that you are suddenly, in a busy season full of many other responsibilities, find anything that Mike needs/wants/doesn't have
The mitts and socks you made for your Pierce? THEY ARE FINE. That DAR bracelet? Fine-ola. Pack it already
Ash and Mike WANT to go shopping. Money is fine. Get over it.
You don't care what Judy thinks ANYWAY. A bag of fruit is better than fine. She has 400 boxes of stuff and she just moved. She doesn't need anymore stuff. If you are the sort of person who is going to be really, really , really hurt if your presents are not received at the Parrish household with the complete amount of enthusiasm with which they were purchased (none), you should probably forget them. Just go out to the car and rummage in the back and say you can't find them.

Ugly Shoes

2008-12-11T04:40:00.000-08:00

I have just spent way too much time trying to jump start the economy over at Zappo's. Where did they find so many ugly shoes?

Maye it's the multi-view thingy, where I can look at the shoe from every possible angle. Not a great idea, obviously, especially when it's already an ugly shoe.

Once upon a time, I had tons of shoes. Capezios. Cute, cute, very cute. In every color. i was the queen of cute shoes.

Now I wear little grandma black runners from Rite Aide. $2.99. When they look ratty I throw them out and buy new ones. Sometimes I'll spring for little flats from Target, if I can bear to brave the crowds at Target.

I think that in the olden days, when there were actual shoe stores, it was just easier. Park the car, look for shoes and only shoes and Bob's your uncle. Not now. Everything's in a huge box store with a Starbuck's. Takes all the fun out of it.

Might as well go to RiteAide.

Because they send all the ugly shoes to Zappos.

You know what I love about knitting?

2008-12-07T13:27:00.000-08:00

I could be forgiven for thinking not much these days, but really - this blogging thing can create a sense that I must knit ALL the time if I am to be other than a slacker, and I just haven't wanted to for a while. (I tend to post random photos and online quizzes--have you noticed?)

The thing about blogging my knitting is that I"M SO SLOW.

A narrative arc develops stitch by stitch by stitch - which is what makes knitting so intrinsically tactile and satisfying and wonderful. (There is only so much chatter I can write about a cuff or screwing up a count or fretting about an armsecye).

But as a subject for the Internet, I'm better off with modest progress pictures and a big reveal (See Finally! Knitting!)

Blogging is still ideal for the emotional narrative of what knitting means in a life - for whatever emotional narrative any passion means in a life. And a blog is perfect for the many passions-the color of the kitchen walls, what I'm going to use for counter tops, the hotel, my kayaking (at which I suck, but it's not an Olympic sport for me), a 4-7-12 year backstory and no known ending yet, but it's connected to things, other people, feelings and friendship and love and hope and disappointment and irony that are just too complex and personal for me to keep to myself.

And I'm not even sorry about that.

The blogs I have been reading are perfume blogs and sewing blogs and arts blogs and CANADIAN political blogs and food blogs. I started reading blogs after 9/11 - discovered them when I was looking for better news sources and then had this whole world opened to me.

But I do love knitting. Today it is damp and foggy and I am just back from the coast and I have no headache and I am wearing my own pair of self-made socks and the Dream in Color pullover (Visual Purple) I made last winter (I think that is the maximum acceptable handknit:body style ) and I am warm.

Last night I found myself making mental notes about what I would change the next time, which is the unmistakable intellectual stirring of a knitter exiting hibernation. (Except for car knitting and that doesn't really count).

The other thing I have been doing is reading until my eyes fall out. And I can't - nor do I want - to do both at once.I read a lot. I have books all over. Anywhere where I might possible be stuck with --gasp!-nothing to do. Car books. Waiting room books. Bathroom books. Hot tub books. Bedside books. Drop in my handbag books (I have to hide those since we aren't supposed to have them a work. Quelle horrors! Call out the Garda. Put me in chains.)

But the thing I LOVE about knitting - back to my original point - is that it is infinite. Never done if you don't want it to be. You can find a mistake, no matter how infinitesimal and rip it out., Or not.

It is as infinite as self knowledge, as infinite as learning itself. And it waits for you until you are ready to move on.

Knitting almost always leaves room for you to get it right someday . That's what I love

Bad headaches

2008-12-07T10:31:00.000-08:00

I have these horrible migraines--I might have mentioned them.

A couple of my friends have them; several of the gals at work have them, too. We talk about them endlessly, only because a migraine pretty much takes over your entire world. You either have a headache, think you are going to get a headache, HAD a headache or are wondering when you are going to get a headache.

And we talk about what we take and what we do to tend to/avoid the pain. We all have a bag of rescue drugs in our handbags (it's all the same stuff) and if one of us gets something new, the rest of us will ask for some the next time we go in because you never know--it MIGHT work. I like those little silver meth suppositories that only work if you take them 20 minutes before you think you might be getting a headache.

SO my friend Marji has them, too. She takes Top (almost everyone I know does. It's supposed to calm something deep inside your brain. The dosage is a little iffy, though, and hard to get right). It makes my hands hurt but better my hands than my head.

She, unlike the rest of the migraineurs I know, never ends up in the ER with her fist in her eye, with her blood pressure at 295/190. She doesn't go to the clinic in San Francisco and get big needles jammed into her skull. She doesn't carry an ER script behind her driver's license for when she is out of town.

She isn't up on the kind of lunchtime chat we are either---did they push the drugs in your line or let them drip in the saline? Did you get Benydryl as an accelerant? Did they give you oxygen? That's supposed to help. With volatile migraines like ours, you need a support group.

So this morning, I get the email from Marji. She has her fist jammed in her eye and is on the way to the ER.

I know exactly how she feels.

Christmas in Yellowstone

2008-12-06T17:47:00.000-08:00

Catching some sun today

2008-12-06T10:01:00.000-08:00

Today was just a nice sunny day out on the water. I went out with my camera and met my husband down at the Embacadero for lunch. My actual plans were to paddle there and back, but we loaded my rig up and drove home. This is supposed to be fun.

So here are the little deer out in the estuary

Sea otters

Pelicans in flight (I only took about 900 , trying to get these) and the sky changed during the day but not as much as it looks...just depending on how close to the water they were. The really blue one was over by the golf course; the gray ones were over the channel. Of course, I had about 895 shots of birds dropping like rocks.

Sandpiper on the beach, (cool reflection, huh? that took forever, too). I thought I would either get stuck in the mud or flip over. I saw this shot in a calendar so when I saw the sandpipers in the wet sand, I knew I could catch the reflection if I was patient. I just didn't frame it too well. Too much blue.

Pelican with obvious hair issues (I usually see the gray and brown ones.) It's migration time and I've seen white ones AT WORK, so nothing surprises me anymore.

Bird I don't know down from the steps at the park where I walk the dogs

Egrets (doesn't this one look like ROCKY?) There is a huge rookery I can see from the water that looks like something from a horror movie....and it is only when I'm drifting a something like, oh....two feet AN HOUR I can get shots like these because there is nothing else to do. It's Zen Kayak Chloe, not a Paddle Crazy Kayak Chloe. That's why I'm going OUT with the tide.

Another egret on the bow of a bow, moored in the channel. I live out in an agricultural wetlands area. They are always standing around like a bunch of cold little old men.

Sandpiper over by the musuem. Not nearly as interesting as the one in the wet sand.

So, what do you think about a PhD? I think

2008-12-03T20:22:00.000-08:00

no.

Talked to a recruiter from UCLA, looking to enlist me for a PhD program.
Two years.
The floundering state would "help" me--unlike the school districts, whose idea of helping teachers get their degrees or credentials, the state would actually post me to campus.
They would not, however think for me.

They evidently need somebody with a PhD in Correctional Education on staff and thought maybe I was smart enough (I am) and vain enough (I'm not) to go for this.

Oh, I listened for FOUR WHOLE HOURS.
I asked a lot of questions, because I really am vain enough but I'm not stupid. A PhD is a LOT OF WORK. And I only have a few more years of this---okay, maybe four. Or six. Or ten.

But I don't have enough time left IN MY LIFE to spend it driving back and forth to UCLA if Stevie Wonder was at the wheel and Ray Charles was riding shotgun.

So, no thanks.

My REAL reason?

This goof told me that my "work" here at the prison was noble and worthwhile.
Really.
Like I need his validation to know that.

Like I need anyone's validation.
Or a Ph fucking D.

Honestly.
Like that would make me more of who I am.

The one where we have a photo shoot of our own

2008-12-02T23:00:00.000-08:00

STORYBOARD

So what do college kids DO during a weekend home?
Hang out with their folks
Drink beer
Steal beer
Get into gang fights
Go to the zoo
Go to a game
Hang out with high school boyfriend
Go to the beach with friends
Hang out with new puppy (Awww. Cute)

Yarn-A-Go-Goes To New York

2008-12-02T20:14:00.000-08:00

I am so happy for you, Rach!

Finally! Knittng!

2008-12-02T19:50:00.000-08:00

I've only made this particular pattern a million times

It's on the blog here someplace. This one I made for Coach's baby Jamie's baby (Bob) Dylan. And I was so worried that it would be too little! I made most of it at work (over estimating my speed, as usual-it took almost two months). I used bamboo yarn in "vanilla frosting" and "cupcake" (an ivory and pale yellow). And man, is that bamboo stuff heavy when it gets wet! Blocks out nice, though.

When I'm working a a baby sweater, I have no real idea after a while what size it is, really. I take it to Target and hold it up to the newborn stuff and think "Well, it's a wee bit bigger than this" and I hold it up to the 3 month stuff and I think "I better knit faster" and when I gave it to Coach it looked huge until he was across the room and then it looked impossibly tiny. So until I saw Dylan in it, I had no real idea if it was even going to fit over his head.

So welcome, Dylan!

Judy is in the process of moving; you know how that is

2008-12-02T19:43:00.000-08:00

The movers are crating her things in Provo.
She is between two houses (she's lived in Provo for, oh, 30 years.)
She's moving to Salt Lake while she waits for the big house in Park City to be finished.

Mom is in Salt Lake, where the boys are taking turns taking care of her until Judy is all moved in.
I've not talked to her, since she can't hear on the effing phones.

I can hear her in the background. She is in her element, ordering people around.
I'm not sure that the boys and their wives/girlfriends are much for listening to her.

Judy has called here to see if I know where she put this that or the other.
No.

I only know where she put the stuff in the RV.
She's since unpacked the RV.
How would I know where it is now?

Sometimes I think I was sent home with the totally wrong family.

Marji Likes Cats. go figure

2008-12-02T19:24:00.000-08:00

Oh, my hell! Pat!!

2008-11-30T18:55:00.000-08:00

The BenOsmonds!!
They gots my Mom!

They are in Baker

2008-11-30T08:41:00.000-08:00

Two hours down the road.
So much for driving all night.

Not that I would have, either.

Judy says that already, Mike has turned into a saint, as have I.
He was a better driver and I was a better cook. And we never would have stuck her in the back to ride in a cave all by herself.

UPDATE from the Eastern trek:
Gene evidently has the rare talent for finding every pothole in the road.
Judy could not possibly have ever been a nurse, since I took better care of her working full time than she is taking care of her so far. (Of course, Mom is pretty demanding and over wrought.) What she means is that I would turn her over, prop her up with pillows and the wait for an hour, making minute little changes until she was comfortable or asleep.

UPDATE from the wagon trail:
Judy is hoping that they make Provo by nightfall. Provo is only twelve hours from here by the clock we use. Mom is not happy that she can't see out the windows to see what is going on (my guess is because they are moving too slowly.)
Not a complaint, just an observation.
No wonder it takes Judy so long to get anywhere.
Soldier on.

UPDATE from the wagon trail: Judy's boys turn out to greet Mom
at Judy's new house. (I'm sure it's not all that bad. I'm just worried because I DON'T KNOW THESE PEOPLE.

Mom's on her way to Utah

2008-11-29T20:36:00.000-08:00

Judy got into town about 2, got the apartment emptied out in about 90 minutes and then got Mom checked out of the nursing home and loaded into the RV by 4. Then they were on the road again, back to Utah.

Now when Ben found that this was the plan (at noon), he called Lisi, who called her work and took the day off so she could say goodby. We had NO idea that they were going to leave today. We thought they were going to leave in the morning.

So we got her things packed up and she was able to climb up into the RV and walk down the hallway into the bedroom, although it did just knock her out. She will probably sleep most of the way home and all night long, too.

Once she gets settled, she'll be fine. It's just all this change.

Christmas Parade

2008-11-29T19:47:00.000-08:00

We always take the 1924 Dodge Brothers.

We get dressed up; I wear my once a year mink coat and Christmas hat (next year, I'm wearing some opera gloves. my hands got COLD...

We took Christie's kids, who were good as gold and have a standing invitation (Micah asked me if he could come next year...Please, Miss Chloe?, as his little sister poked him in the ribs and whispered "Ask her! I want to come next year!".) It's a big deal here. (6,000 people sitting on the sidewalk this year!) I have a little sleigh heater with a slide out tray with a chunk of soapstone that we heat up in the oven all day so I can rest my cold feet on it during the parade so I don;t get so cold. (it is not only dark, it is chilly, too. Did I mention that?) Some years it is so foggy that you can;t see across the street; this year it was just super dark.And crowded. 6,000 people sitting out in the cold dark night--the only show in town, I guess. Not a lot of vendors out. We were at the very front of the parade (like the first ten minutes) and home by 6:45. We've been way in the back (like entry #295)-I like being in the front better. I don't get so cold. I guess I've mentioned that it gets cold? Not like Canada cold or even Utah cold, but pretty darn cold for here cold. Cold and dark and damp and breezy. I have my coat and scuba diving skins on (sort of a leotard thing you wear under a scuba suit to keep you warm in the COLD water), jeans, a black merino sweater I KNIT MYSELF, socks I KNIT MYSELF and my sheepskin slippers with the toastie toes insert (you snap it open and it heats up for six hours.It's a ski kind of thing. They have them for your pockets, too.)At least we were waiting over in China Alley so I could get a
thermos of tea. I could live on that stuff. We don't do the fake wave..we do the real, look-you-in-the-eye wave..I'm still a kinder teacher at heart. Micah and Mia are first and second graders and waved like crazy people when people in the crowd shouted out their names (they are in soccer and church and what all, so lots of people know them. ) Plus they come from a huge family who didn't We were behind a gymnastics float...the kids would get off and do flips on the street. It was as good as the Olympics!

You just have to laugh when your mother turns into a three year old

2008-11-28T15:26:00.000-08:00

When she isn't crying, she's giving orders.
She's not paying for physical therapy and she's not DOING any, either. (Yes, she is.)
She is tired, so she is going to rest. (No, she's not. There's a deck. There's a family room. She's going to be part of the damn family, if it kills Judy.)
Good luck with that.

Occupation therapy? Fine motor skills? Phooey! She reads. Turning pages is good enough. (Nope.)
She is too old to monkey with computers. (Not if Judy has her way.)
Good luck with that.

She got on a tear and tried to make me promise a bunch of I don't know what for Ben and for Mike--oh ho! I am too clever for that (been burned before). I can't make promises for other people.

I won't make promises for other people, which just makes her crazy. (She tries crying, sobbing, ugly facing me--none of it works.I am so so stubborn. This is a fight we've have a number of times in the last ten years. It is always the same. Talk to Ben/Lisi/Mike yourself. She doesn't want to because she knows they will say no. She wants to wheedle me, because she thinks I'll say yes for them and then they'll do it. Hasn't worked in ten years. Isn't going to work this weekend.)

Lisi came home last night after working second and third watch, just so she could get some sleep, see Mom and come back home, get more sleep and the go back to to work. She has started leaving clothes here, just in case she decides to stay over.

Adventurers in UHaul

2008-11-28T10:15:00.000-08:00

1. We need a 16 foot covered trailer.
2. All that is available is a SIX foot covered trailer.
3. Once again, Judy waited until the very last minute to make the arrangements and blamed it on "that little town you live in". My town is plenty big enough for me, thank you very much.

So what we are going to do is pick out what Mom has to have, put it in this little trailer and then store everything else. Won't make Mom happy, but nothing will.

I had this good idea this morning ---postpone this trip/have me move everything into a storage unit/come out next week.

That won't work because Judy has already made arrangements to borrow this RV. (If she was borrowing it from ME a week wouldn't make any difference, so she can't possibly be borrowing it from people she really knows.) Plus this RV doesn't have running water OR a working bathroom, so this should be a cheery little trip.

THEN I mentioned that we'd be out in a month and I thought she was going to have a a complete meltdown. Was I planing on staying with her? (Was she CRAZY? I wouldn't stay with her if there was a nuclear holocaust and her house was the only house that had bread, water and a working toilet.)

I stayed at her house ten years ago and if Mom wasn't living there, that would have been the last time I ever bothered to knock on her door. When Mom dies, that will be the last time I ever go to her house. When Judy dies, I bet you a bag of nickles no one calls me unless they need money.

To say that we have differing philosophies is putting it gently.

She married Felon Boy.

I not only think OJ did it, I have to boycott Michael Jackson, Woody Allen, Angelina Jolie AND Brad Pitt. God help me if I find out that John Lennon and Paul McCartney were pedophiles. I'll have to stick my fingers in my ears for the rest of my life.

No Drama and No Guilt

2008-11-27T23:17:00.000-08:00

That's my sister's department these days and I feel sorry for her because she sounds like she is on the edge....and I should know, because I've been living there for the last eight years.

Mom is still in the acute care home and hating every minute of it. I'm going into work at 0300 every morning---that is 3am as in 3 dark thirty because I don't have a classroom (not since my class decided they were going to rape and dismember me)

I have a desk job and a non-contact one at that. I write lessons, run them off, mail them out, correct them and keep track of work---all easily done in the dark, as long as custody knows I'm back there, locked up in the warehouse, with my alarm.

Lisi drops by before she starts her shift and then drops by during her lunch hour. I drop by on my way home at noon and again when Ben gets off work.

I've made arrangements (if Judy can get a 16 foot U-Haul rented via the internet) to have it loaded tomorrow while she and Gene drive down from Provo.

It's a 12 hour trip (Well for me. It takes longer for Judy. Always has.)

Not sure when they are leaving. They are parking in my driveway and I'm having the crew park the U-haul in front of my house so they can drive it off with Mom on Sunday.

Judy is beside herself. All of these plans have been in place for years but I don't think she ever thought they would ever actually happen. The house she was living in wouldn't accommodate Mom (tiny with stairs and a teeny bathroom), so they are moving to another house they own in SLC, which won't be ready until Friday.

They will only be living there a short while, while the house they are building in Park City is being finished. I don't envy her three moves with Mom in tow one bit, Mom being as crazy as she is. (Mom had this great idea-load her in the U-haul in her bed with a cell phone. Forget the fact that she is deaf and can;t hear on a cell phone. She thought that was a good idea. Judy is renting an RV.)

Today, the plans changed hourly until I was as snippy and short as I could be. First it was this way. Then she talked to Judy and it was something else. Then she talked to me and it was totally opposite. If I hadn't had Ben with me, I would have thought maybe I was the crazy one.
She is positive that Judy has to handle all the last minute business herself in person--not so. The address change--fill out the forms and mail them in. Done it a million times. Moving money from one account to another? Simple as writing out a check, filling out a deposit slip and putting it in another bank. Not a big eal at all. The big deal is the way she has her power of attorney worded--it is fine if she is dead, but worthless if she is alive unless she is incompetent, which she would have to be dead before she would agree to being. Makes everything impossible to handle.

With Joe, it was exactly opposite. he thought he had everything taken care of but what he had only worked as long as he was alive. Once he was dead, he had nothing put into place. It pays to have more than one lawyer look at your trust/will/plans. Not all of the attorneys graduate at the tops of the class.

Judy is in for the same very long and contrary road I've been on.

It won't be any fun.

Movie Time...or TV time, whichever

2008-11-27T19:10:00.001-08:00

I've been plopped in front of the tv, knitting.
Guess the line, let me know and I'll give you credit here. It's a little heavy on the cop thing.

Well, WE'RE a little heavy on the cop thing. When we're driving together, I'll call shotgun and Lisi'll call nine millimeter (cop humor. We laugh our asses off.) We both have cuff keys on our keychains.

1. "They'll dress you like a flannel sock!" (I laughed myself silly over this one. My only hint is that I don't watch anything on real TV.)

2."I apologize to the people of Los Angeles. My behavior has been improper and I accept the consequences. I ask my fellow Angelinos for their patience and understanding. Life here can be difficult for me. After all, I am the only one of my kind. During my incarceration, I will be participating in alcohol and anger management treatment. You deserve better from me. I can be better. I will be better." (I thought this was such a romantic movie..almost as romantic as the first Terminator.) HANCOCK/NOVEL (Did you like it? I thought it was so off the wall quirky and sweet. And the shove it up your ass--OMG! so literal)

3. "My father taught me one thing above all others; to be sure. And I am. Matt Chambers, Miami is your last stop. If God is in the details and if I believed in God, he’s in this room with me. I just wish he had brought an extension cord.""

5."And one and two and three and four and your hands should be light like a birdie on a branch. And one and two and three and four and Wat doesn't lead he follows like a girl."A KNIGHT'S TALE/NOVEL (One of my favorites. So sweet and quirky. Like Jocelyn would really last with living with the pigs; sweet sentiment but unlikely. Even for Heath. She could quit him in a red hot minute.)

6. "Our dad was a cop, you're a cop, I work for the cops... for us, this is brother-sister stuff.

7."Good cop and bad cop have left for the day. I'm a different kind of cop."

8. "Who are you? What are you?" T

9."I could lie to you. But I have far too much respect for you as a person."

10."It's almost as though there's a sign that says 'Give us your tired and poor.' "

11. "Don't look at me, I just know stuff."

12."What's your favorite kind of torture?"

What do you believe? What works in your life?

2008-11-27T08:26:00.000-08:00

1. What you put out comes back all the time, no matter what. (Ugly, kind, charitable..it all comes back...usually engraved on your face)

2. You define your own life. Don't let other people write your script. Still working on this one.

3. Whatever someone did to you in the past has no power over the present. Only you give it power. This one, too

4. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. (There are felons who are truly bad men. Then there are felons who made a bad mistake. You need to know the difference.)

5. Worrying is wasted time. Use the same energy for doing something about whatever worries you. (Knitting is good for this.)

6. What you believe has more power than what you dream or wish or hope for. You become what you believe.

7. If the only prayer you ever say is thank you, that will be enough. Even "thank you" for a sunrise will do.

8. The happiness you feel is in direct proportion to the love you give.

9. Failure is a signpost to turn you in another direction. (Lace is not for me.)

10. If you make a choice that goes against what everyone else thinks, the world will not fall apart.

11. Trust your instincts. Your gut doesn't lie.

12. Love yourself and then learn to extend that love to others. It won;t hurt to look at a name tag and thank the checkers by name or thank the bagger or the waitress. it is such a little thing. Wave to the guy on the corner with the sign selling cell phones. he's not invisible.

13. Let passion drive your profession.

14. Find a way to get paid for doing what you love. Then every paycheck will be a bonus.

15. Love doesn't hurt. It feels really good. It feels just like sitting with your babies in the sun. Hold on to that.

16. Every day brings a chance to start over. (That's why I like Monday's. Haven;t had a true chance to screw up yet.)

17. Being a mother is the hardest job on earth. And it will never stop.

18. Doubt means don't. Don't move. Don't answer. Don't rush forward.

19. When you don't know what to do, get still. The answer will come.

20. Trouble don't last always. You'll get past it.

Thank you Harlot, for the kick in the arse

2008-11-26T19:23:00.000-08:00

By many standards, I am not a wealthy woman.

I have a great job that will employ me forever, but I am still a working woman; I trot off to work at 0'dark thirty and watch the sun come up on my drive to work.

It is not a thankless job-I get to watch the seasons change; the crops grow and the harvests. I see the jets net the sky with their con trails. I work with some pretty funny characters, so I am endlessly amused all day long.

There has never been a day that I went hungry or wondered where I would put my kids to bed. I pick and choose what I'm going to wear in the morning from my overstuffed walk in closet and at least once a week I toss out food that went bad before we could eat it. I order out Chinese maybe once a week because I'm "too tired" to cook-and that's an easy $50 out the window.

I have never wanted for anything more than "more" of what I already have. I am... to most of the people in the world,obscenely wealthy...

Today, I wrapped up "good" loaves of bread (as opposed to the cheap stuff), wrapped them in handmade aprons, tucked a letter in the pocket and dropped them off at the women's shelter,
along with some starter cash--because I've been there and really? It was little of nothing to me. I had the fabric in my stash and I had the week off. What else was I going to do with my time?

It meant I couldn't get my nails and hair done this week. Imagine, that was the price I paid.

Next week, I'm, "giving" up a silly handbag that I don't need so I can send some goats to Boliva.

I'm skipping a pedicure so I can send some girls some KOTEX for a year so they can go to school AND sending some women a flock of chickens and two ducks. For the price of a pedicure.

Obscene.

And in my family,we live well into our 90's. I have many more years to do good. makes up for all the evil I've done in my life.

Thanks, Steph.

Me Me Me ME (in bold)

2008-11-26T17:02:00.000-08:00

Things I've Done (In Bold) Thanks,Inky (http://inkyknits.blogspot.com/)
1. Started my own blog
2. Slept under the stars
4. Visited Hawaii!
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than I can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland - Still remember "E" Tickets.
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sung a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched lightening at sea--I thought the Minnow would be lost
14. Taught myself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown my own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitchhiked. With Marji. As a teenager. In the middle of the night. IN UTAH.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping--even after I lost my battle with gravity.
27. Run a Marathon--Bay to Breakers and Pioneer Day in SLC-talk about a killer!
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice (does the one in Vegas count? Guess not.)
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset (Every day of my life. Makes the day worth it.)
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of my ancestors (Stood in the very house)
35. Seen an Amish community--Yep, spent several summers right near Lancaster, PA
36. Taught myself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke (Of course, I sound more like Cameron Diaz in "My Best Friend's Wedding"-pretty terrible)
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had my portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling (I love it more than I can say)
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater--set up the lounge chairs in the bed of the pickup
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business---had a coffee shop/catering business for a while; a daycare business for a while. I like a steady paycheck
58. Taken a martial arts class. Wanna see my six broken ribs?
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason. Today, in fact
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving. Hang gliding, too.
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle-they are ALL speeding as far as I'm concerned
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person--nothing beats sunrise
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had my picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous--Yep, a few people.
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Rode an elephant

Mom's Thanksgiving....early so we could all get together

2008-11-26T10:20:00.001-08:00

Mom is in an acute care nursing home until she leaves for Provo on Sunday, so we fixed our usual huge Thansgiving dinner, packed it all up in the gazillion picnic baskets (leaving what I usually keep in them in heaps on the carpet) and dragged it all over to the ursing home. We took the good china, silver and crystal because..well, it's the way we do things. . Lots of photos of us on the patio, though. I'm still not in control of this posting of multiple photos.

The one where I make some progress on the house

2008-11-25T17:14:00.000-08:00

Tupperware cupboard-everthing has a lid TaaDaa!
Rearranged all my casseroles in size order (I have enough to open my own soup kitchen)
Rearranged my dish cupboard (my everyday dishes, my Thanks giving dishes, my Christmas dishes, my blue willow dishes and my pastel dishes..I entertain a lot and go to A LOT of yard sales)
Rearranged all the drawers in the kitchen. There is only so many gadgets a person needs. I had too many. Now someone can go to the Salvation Army and think they have struck gold.
Tidied up my linen closet. Tossed out the ratty towels -sent to the shop. Saved the best of the ratty ones to cover the windscreens of the cars (we cover the cars ar night so they don't ice up.) I got new lavendar stones from here http://www.marrhaven.com/soaps.html#stones \

Tomorrow, I tackle my closet. I have more than my share of ratty clothes that need to be tossed out. You know...white shirts past thier prime. Pastel tees with soda stains. Things like that.

The one about the dogs

2008-11-25T10:45:00.000-08:00

Yes, I am Tank.
I can do anything she says I can.
I am King.
Cock of the walk, except she had them whacked off and left me with a micro chip.

Rocket and Full Metal Jacket got their shots today.

Jacket is scheduled to "get fixed", get his microchip and tattoo next week.

Rocket has a dental appointment, too. (Teeth cleaning! No dog in my life has every had a dental appointment.

I must be getting old and senile.) She has a heart murmur. She weighs ALMOST 3 pounds.That little jaunt was almost $400. I pre-paid all the other stuff so Lisi could do the drop-off and pick ups next week when I'm at work. Easier
that way.

(Tank still lives with me until Ben can afford the final 2 sides of the fence around his house. The people next door have pit bulls. In our law enforcement experience, only people on parole or hoping to be on parole have pit bulls.)

In case you haven't stumbled onto Tana French yet, do. I'm in the middle of The Likeness and I read In the Woods and I'm liking them both. Nice and dark and interesting. Good reads, both.

Going Postal

2008-11-24T15:08:00.000-08:00

I need to quit getting the mail. If I just stopped faithfully going out there every day and opening up that little dungeon of doom and gloom, I would be a much happier woman.

I usually dash out there because
1) I have clothes on and
2) just in case I bounced a check, I want to keep it to my own self.
Love letters and bounced check notices are very private things, don't you think?

Today in the mail I had the following:

My Smooshy order (this was the bright spot)
One jury summons for the week of, YES WAY, 12/22 (oh, ack) I bet i can get out of that because I don;t want to go. I'll call Becky and ask to go when I'm actually at work. And then maybe I'll get a big honky murder case that goes on for like 18 months. That sounds good. Team Becky.

One bill for $190.76 for a car repair.
One bill for $235.22 for vet bills. Yes, I did take in all three dogs.

No fewer than five desperate pleas for MONEY from assorted charities who are all “feeling the pinch” and who have clients who “need us now more than ever.” One of them was Victory outreach. ENOUGH SAID.

The newspaper thinks it is going to be hitting me up for $20 ~~a month~~ every four weeks, which would make the Sentinal"worth" $260 a year, which is well, no, I don’t think so., even with dancing girls. (What are they smoking down there ?) There is NOTHING going on in Hanford that is worth $20 in a YEAR. There is nothing going on in FRESNO that is worth $20 in a year.

Home owners insurance renewal forms.

Oh look. Holt Lumber wants some money. So does Loewe's, Home Depot, Target, Amazon and Chevron.

Gottschalks, however, who hooked up with China, wants to up my limit. I'm boycotting them. They can keep their limit.

Notice from my personal banking account informing me that,AS OF RIGHT NOW they are going to be putting the required hold on my deposited state check. No more giving me cash because they gave me the check a day early. Yeah, I knew that and all…but still.

Is it National Poke Chloe With A Stick Day today, and nobody told me? I mean, I would have dressed nicer if I’d only known…

Chase has a change in terms…lessee…soooooo, if I were to use their card and have a balance, I’d pay 20.9% interest on it? Memo to me: Tell Chase to go chase their own tails…ha ha ha…

Oh, looky here! It looks like money....from a district I worked at a long time ago! Yesss! Yesss! Could come at a better time!........except I can;t get at it for anothe r ten years so why did they bother to even send it to me?

Holy moley.

That’s it.

No more mail. I mean it! I am never going out to that stupid box again. It’s nothing but trouble, and I’m sick of it.

From this day forth…no more mail.
I'll just go out and check for those little square love notes from the back and then split.
No news is good news.

Men are Idiots.

2008-11-24T06:39:00.000-08:00

It is 6:40 in the morning and I have just gotten back from the grocery story. I ran out of almost $50 worth of cleaning things, which only proves to me that, in fact, I DO clean. I have me a little list for the week and here is today's little bunch of chores

Make bed
Clear off night stand
Laundry-all of it, washed, folded,hung and PUT away (piling it on the kitchen table doesn't count
Bathrooms-all five-CLEAN like for surgery. Boiling water and bleach
Kitchen table-Scrub. Oil. Runner,. Centerpiece.
Counters. Clear and bleached.
Sinks. Likewise
Floors. Ditto
Vaccum.
Downstairs-dust and oil
Laundry room and pantry
Stairs-vac and scrub banister. Scrub and Oil wood.
Leave bathroom counter EMPTY. Clear out drawers.
Meeting at 1300 at the nursing home with Mom

This came out of the sulk (which is the best I can categorize it from this weekend.) Mike wanted to go to Utah to see Keri...which is a great thing. I'd like to go too, only HE NEVER MENTIONED IT TO ME. My mother is in the hospital/nursing home. I have my hands full.

He wanted to go to Arizona to see his folks. I'D LIKE TO GO TOO, except I have my hands full here. AND HE NEVER MENTIONED IT TO ME.

We are entered in the Christmas Parade on Friday. Again, he never mentioned it to me.

I came home on Friday and told him that the OCE had offered me overtime for "all" of December and January (I only work 10 days in December (he immediately got sulky whe I told him I'd be working until 10 at night...because who would fix him dinner?) In fact, last night, we went to be after devouring a carton of ice cream and he said he sure hoped he didn;t wake up hungry in the night because

WE HADN'T HAD DINNER. Obviously, famine was snapping at our heels. The end of the world was fast approaching.

WE HAD SNACKED ALL DAY. WE HAD ICE CREAM. BUT I HADN'T ACTUALLY FIXED HIM DINNER. No matter that he was less than ten feet from the kitchen all day long. no matter that he could have ASKED for something at any moment. AND NO MATTER THAT I AM NOT A FUCKING MIND READER.

He just wanted to go to bed all sulky and ill used.
So I let him.
Went to sleep and slept the sleep of the just because I did no wrong. I have xx chromosomes.
I can DO no wrong.

So I am spending my vacation cleaning the house. Because being busy all day is the ONLY revenge.

Great Christmas Site for girlie girls

2008-11-23T12:45:00.000-08:00

And not super expensive, either. I love the Perfumed Court. I like to try lots of scents and heres a place that has lots of them. Lots. The prices are reasonable and the shipping is quick. You get little glass vials to try out (they last for two or three wearings). If you love it, you
can order more.
It's a dandy way to find something special. Me, I like single note floral-roses, gardenia, violet and they have lots to chose from.

They have a gaggle of lots more sophisticated scents, as well...but I like something simple and sweet.

My new project..enroute from the Loopy Ewe with photos under control

2008-11-23T07:58:00.000-08:00

I'm going to start this
because I have one skein of this SMOOSHY
that Marji gave me. I'm going to make a serious attempt to knit at lunch (as in TAKE a lunch. Jaqui is good at coming in and sitting down. I am not...which might explain why I am no good after 1300.)
I'm not crazy about that ooky brown. Or that pea green. And I'm picking SMOOSHY because it has the most color choices.
So here are my colors..so far. The photos are in no particular order because I can't make them behave.
Visual Purple (Really purple)
Into The Mystic (sort of a purple and blue)
Deep Sea Flower (sort of blue and teal and turquoise) Beach Fog (turquoise with orange and purple bits),
Giant Peach (peach),
Lunar Dazzle (turquoise-y with flecks of purple and green),
Pansy Go Lightly (purple-y and blue-y with green), Summer Sky (Tampa Bay blue),
Yarn A Go Go (greeny bits

This is an Elizabeth Zimmerman "Baby Surprise" Jacket and I might use it for this Smooshy collection. I love the origami way the pattern works out and I love working a Zimmerman pattern. It is always just so clever. It's not like I don't have

plenty of yarn. This one is the surprise before it is seamed up. Looks like a mess of knitting, doesn"t it? I love the little mitered corners and I think it would look realy nice with all the Smooshy colors, especially once I ruled out that ooky gold and icky green.

I had other plans

2008-11-22T12:41:00.001-08:00

I should be sitting in this:

on the way to here:

To see them
I have two weeks at Christmas. See you guys then!
Don"t use up all the snow.
I'll cook.
Love,
Chloe

Cry your eyes out. It's a good night for it

2008-11-20T17:56:00.000-08:00

As always, sweet baby James

And Joni, live in 1970

There nis just something about getting me some gospel music to get myself over myself

2008-11-20T17:13:00.000-08:00

I Am A Poor Wayfaring Stranger

2008-11-20T17:12:00.001-08:00

Oh, I am one cold hard bitch

2008-11-19T20:32:00.000-08:00

My mother is dying.
I know it.
I have worked long enough with old dying convicts to recognize it.

I spent a long week at the hospital two weeks ago before transferring her to an acute care nursing home, where she does not like it one little bit. She is totally out of control of her life and for a woman who has spent most of her life with the reins firmly in hand, this is the worst indignity.

Judythebeautiful is taking her home to Utah to die. Mom knows no one in Utah. I don't think she realizes that she doesn;t really even know Judy or Judy's husband (whom I don;t know or like) or Judy's four boys (don't much like them either).

Mike and I even thought about thowing ourselves under a train and having Mom move into the front room/get a practical nurse/have her live with us...until Ben talked some sense into us. Exactly who was going to sleep on the floor night after night? Becasue she couldn't be left alone. And kiss watching tv goodbye. Or talking to each other.

He should know, since he lived with her for six years.

So I guess instead of leaving for Bryce and the Grand Canyon for some R&R (well earned after the literal knock down and drag out at work), I'll be doing my turns at the nursing home, knitting in hand because it's the right thing to do.

And Ben and Lisi will take their turns because it's the right thing to do.

I'm their mother and I raised thoughtful adults.

Not stupid adults, but thoughtful ones.

The same ones who'll be sitting with me when I'm the one in the nursing home.

I stopped by tonight on the way home NOT BECAUSE I WANTED TO but because she's a sick old woman and there is no one else to stop by.
It was pathetic.
She was so alone and sad and scared and I thought of my own self with my million friends (okay, a good many of them don't really know me and a good many of them are felons, but they say hello to me every day and send me notes and I answer them and send them little happy faces so they COUNT)....and then I think of the thousands of kids who have poured through my classroom doors and my friends from high school and from college and from Payson Junior High and from LAUSD and from all the gazillion places I've taught and I thought it's only for just a few more days.

I have people like inky who emails me about my black eyes and Rachel (whohoo) who emails me about her poster and guys like Lyle who asks if he could possibly convince me to throw down dinner if he plays at the Fox like Danny has asked him to...my life is so incredibly rich and full and she is so afraid of where I am sending her to.

And so am I.

Well there you go

2008-11-17T20:58:00.001-08:00

You Should Be a Teacher

You are patient, optimistic, and good at explaining things.

You work well with all types of people, and you are a good role model.

Success and positive outcomes are extremely important to you.

You are both a good leader and instructor. People look up to and depend on you.

You do best when you:

- Can see the results of your work

- Are able to teach someone a new skill

You would also be a good nurse or non fiction writer.

What Should You Be When You Grow Up?

I finished Coach's Baby's Baby's sweater and didn't feel like starting something tonight. WHAT a surprise to find out that I shoud have been a teacher all of these years.

Oh. Wait.

I am.

I tested 200 guys today. It was a really really long day

2008-11-17T18:40:00.000-08:00

I have the best clerks. They look like these huge NFL killer linebackers.
Heck, they ARE these huge killers.
HUGE.
Two of them stand on either side of me so I don't get jumped.

If anyone gives me any crap..and I get my share of sincere mofo crap...they are escorted out into the hallway and read the riot act and then escort the mofo back in to rephrase their request.

I had one fella who pissed on his ducat and did not care to test. Fine-ola. Too bad he couldn't get back INTO the yard without his aforementioned pissed upon ducat. He had to spend the day in a cage. I guess nobody else will be pissing on their ducats when what they really want to do is decline to test. Which is fine by me. In fact, they can all decline to test. Cuts down on my personal paperwork.

Then there was some kind of huge fight that had both blood, bodily fluids and excrements(oh shit would be the appropriate response right here.)

You might remember Big Mouth Jones from some months back. I'm not sure what his problem was today but he was in shackeled and naked and covered in shit and blood. Then about two hours later, when I was trotting down main street, between the two main yards back down to my office in thebac of beyond, there was BMJ, being escorted to the SHU in boxers and flipflops.

Could happen to a nicer guy.

Horses ass.

Then when I got back to my desk, I had one of those frantic notes from my new boss. She wanted to know if there was any way ON EARTH that I would trade my really primo spot with the inept bitch crybaby.

Well, actually, yeah.
I 'need new black lateral filing black cabinets (the kind where the the doors flip up).
And of course, I'm gonna need voice mail.
And a big round table so I can have the guys over for lunch.
And then sure, I'll move in a heart beat.
Because She IS a crybaby and I'd like to see you rein her in, cowgirl.

I do come from a fighting, protesting bunch

2008-11-16T12:36:00.000-08:00

My Da was, at the age of EIGHT, a runner for the IRA.

At 17, he emigrated to the US from Ireland, where, by the by, we don't patch up the holes from the wars. We leave them as a reminder that the freedoms that are enjoyed now were paid for in blood. Go to the post office in the middle of Dublin and the bullet holes are still there; a bloody reminder of the uprising.

My Uncle Dan, who was on the boat with my Da at 17 (Irish twins, 9 months apart) was on the beaches on D-Day, as were my Uncles James and Junior (both 17 at the time). My FIL was a POW in Stalag 13, shot down over Germany.

If you look up my family , the whole bunch of us have readily gone to war to fight for what we thought was right..which included fighting against the Crown over and over and over again on both sides of the Atlantic.

AND now I am finding myself hopping mad. Madder than I have been in a really long time...and if you know me at all, I get mad easily and often over all kinds of things.

And I am mad over Prop 8 and at the Catholic Church and the Mormons and their $22 miliion dollars.They pulled this crap with the ERA and I am still mad about that.

See, none of this has ANYTHING to do with religion.

You get a license from the STATE and when you dissolve your marriage, it is dissolved by the STATE. If you choose, you can have your union "sanctified" by a priest/rabbi/minister/lama/imam/whatever but that is a choice. You are married by the STATE. It is a legal contract, not a religious one.(And I have a whole lot to say about that religious contract, too.)

And if the Mormon and the Catholic Churches want to put up so much money and have so much to say about political matters, then maybe they need to lose their precious tax-exempt statuses and start admitting that they are not holier than thou, because frankly, they are not.

The way they make you believe in them is to convince you from the get go is that if you don't believe you will go to hell .

Like that has ever scared me.
I was married to John Work and Jack Bridge.I grew up in the LEARY family.
Hell doesn't scare me.

So I am fighting, protesting, working FOR the right for everyone to enjoy the same rights that I so freely enjoy.
I can't say I have always made such great choices. but I have always had the right to make them and I, for the life of me cannot see what makes me so special that I can make them and someone else cannot,.

Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves.
Abraham Lincoln

Thank God for my husband, my children and my friends

2008-11-16T06:14:00.000-08:00

There are people who take the heart out of you,
and there are people who put it back.
~ Elizabeth David

The rest of my relatives, not so much.
Yesterday, I was accused of attempting to steal my mother's wedding ring. This is the same wedding ring she begged me to take so it wouldn't be lost at the nursing home. This is was the same day she begged me to call Judy because she thought she was dying. She knew who I was then.
I guess what I am fighting is giving her up and I'm just going to have to get over it. She doesn't know me. At least she thinks I'm Marie Jones and I guess that is a blessing.
That Marie must have been one wonderful woman.
My Da thought the world of her, too.
Me, not so much.,

Tomorrow at 10:30...even in Porterville

2008-11-14T20:08:00.000-08:00

Prop Eight in California is just plain wrong, It is so wrong and mean spirited that it slides over into the dark side of evil and THAT my friend, is where it gets scary.

I live my little life thinking I'm a conservative, knitting sweaters at lunchtime and here I find out I'm this crazed liberal because I believe, among a bunch of other things, that people are people and a penis doesn't necessarily make you smarter than me.

Not much makes you smarter than me.

I don't think that the institution of marriage resembles an electrical socket and a plug-it does not need "parts" to work, it needs heart to work. The same people who have screwed up the educational system now have their big fat hands in the institution of marriage. People are not widgets.
Life is not a factory.

If God could take nothing and then whoosh! make the world out of this bunch of nothing, including fog and sunsets, if His eye is on the sparrow what makes these Prop 8 people think they need to protect us from the very people He made?

My God is about love and is is in very short supply in this world.
And I cannot for the life of me understand how people can look at me and feel the need to explain this all very slowly as if I can't understand it.
I understand plenty.

I understand that in 1967, when I was in eighth grade, it was illegal for black people to marry white people. I understand that in 1972, my best friend gave a lift to two friends from school who just happened to be black and nearly ruined her reputation because "white boys aren't good enough for you?"

I understand that I'm not interested in whatever kind of God they are worshipping. I understand that the kind of marriage they are holding up as the gold standard is some kind of cheap drive-thru Elvis/Blockbuster/Starbucks Bridezilla party.

This is what Erika said about the cheapening the institution of marriage:

If allowing child molesters, serial killers, death row prisoners, meth addicts, neo-nazis, corporate polluters, rapists, people who let their dog poop on the sidewalk and don’t pick it up, tobacco company executives, dog fighting enthusiasts, and serial drunk drivers to get married doesn’t “cheapen the institution,” what will?

This is what I say:

If inmates can get married on the last Saturday of every month, willy nilly (what ARE those women thinking?), if Michael Jackson can marry Lisa Marie Presley, if Woody Allen can marry practically his daughter exactly what doesn't cheapen the institution of marriage?

And the Mormon Church threw $22 million at this one little proposition. They did the same thing to the Equal Rights Amendment. I thought they were wrong then and I think they are even wronger now. But I think they are wrong about so many things, so don't get me started.

So there.

And because Paulie can't get the You Tube thingie's to work, here is the transcript, courtesy of Inky. I could not have said it better myself.

SPECIAL COMMENT By Keith Olbermann
Finally tonight as promised, a Special Comment on the passage, last week, of Proposition Eight in California, which rescinded the right of same-sex couples to marry, and tilted the balance on this issue, from coast to coast.

Some parameters, as preface. This isn’t about yelling, and this isn’t about politics, and this isn’t really just about Prop-8. And I don’t have a personal investment in this: I’m not gay, I had to strain to think of one member of even my very extended family who is, I have no personal stories of close friends or colleagues fighting the prejudice that still pervades their lives.

And yet to me this vote is horrible. Horrible. Because this isn’t about yelling, and this isn’t about politics. This is about the human heart, and if that sounds corny, so be it.

If you voted for this Proposition or support those who did or the sentiment they expressed, I have some questions, because, truly, I do not understand. Why does this matter to you? What is it to you? In a time of impermanence and fly-by-night relationships, these people over here want the same chance at permanence and happiness that is your option. They don’t want to deny you yours. They don’t want to take anything away from you. They want what you want—a chance to be a little less alone in the world.

Only now you are saying to them—no. You can’t have it on these terms. Maybe something similar. If they behave. If they don’t cause too much trouble. You’ll even give them all the same legal rights—even as you’re taking away the legal right, which they already had. A world around them, still anchored in love and marriage, and you are saying, no, you can’t marry. What if somebody passed a law that said you couldn’t marry?

I keep hearing this term “re-defining” marriage. If this country hadn’t re-defined marriage, black people still couldn’t marry white people. Sixteen states had laws on the books which made that illegal in 1967.

1967.

The parents of the President-Elect of the United States couldn’t have married in nearly one third of the states of the country their son grew up to lead. But it’s worse than that. If this country had not “re-defined” marriage, some black people still couldn’t marry black people. It is one of the most overlooked and cruelest parts of our sad story of slavery. Marriages were not legally recognized, if the people were slaves. Since slaves were property, they could not legally be husband and wife, or mother and child. Their marriage vows were different: not “Until Death, Do You Part,” but “Until Death or Distance, Do You Part.” Marriages among slaves were not legally recognized.

You know, just like marriages today in California are not legally recognized, if the people are gay.

And uncountable in our history are the number of men and women, forced by society into marrying the opposite sex, in sham marriages, or marriages of convenience, or just marriages of not knowing, centuries of men and women who have lived their lives in shame and unhappiness, and who have, through a lie to themselves or others, broken countless other lives, of spouses and children, all because we said a man couldn’t marry another man, or a woman couldn’t marry another woman. The sanctity of marriage.

How many marriages like that have there been and how on earth do they increase the “sanctity” of marriage rather than render the term, meaningless?

What is this, to you? Nobody is asking you to embrace their expression of love. But don’t you, as human beings, have to embrace… that love? The world is barren enough.

It is stacked against love, and against hope, and against those very few and precious emotions that enable us to go forward. Your marriage only stands a 50-50 chance of lasting, no matter how much you feel and how hard you work.

And here are people overjoyed at the prospect of just that chance, and that work, just for the hope of having that feeling. With so much hate in the world, with so much meaningless division, and people pitted against people for no good reason, this is what your religion tells you to do? With your experience of life and this world and all its sadnesses, this is what your conscience tells you to do?

With your knowledge that life, with endless vigor, seems to tilt the playing field on which we all live, in favor of unhappiness and hate… this is what your heart tells you to do? You want to sanctify marriage? You want to honor your God and the universal love you believe he represents? Then Spread happiness—this tiny, symbolic, semantical grain of happiness—share it with all those who seek it. Quote me anything from your religious leader or book of choice telling you to stand against this. And then tell me how you can believe both that statement and another statement, another one which reads only “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

You are asked now, by your country, and perhaps by your creator, to stand on one side or another. You are asked now to stand, not on a question of politics, not on a question of religion, not on a question of gay or straight. You are asked now to stand, on a question of love. All you need do is stand, and let the tiny ember of love meet its own fate.

You don’t have to help it, you don’t have it applaud it, you don’t have to fight for it. Just don’t put it out. Just don’t extinguish it. Because while it may at first look like that love is between two people you don’t know and you don’t understand and maybe you don’t even want to know. It is, in fact, the ember of your love, for your fellow person just because this is the only world we have. And the other guy counts, too.

This is the second time in ten days I find myself concluding by turning to, of all things, the closing plea for mercy by Clarence Darrow in a murder trial.

But what he said, fits what is really at the heart of this: “I was reading last night of the aspiration of the old Persian poet, Omar-Khayyam,” he told the judge. It appealed to me as the highest that I can vision. I wish it was in my heart, and I wish it was in the hearts of all: So I be written in the Book of Love; I do not care about that Book above. Erase my name, or write it as you will, So I be written in the Book of Love.”

It's the middle of the night, my head hurts, let's talk about me

2008-11-12T03:15:00.000-08:00

Just to get things straight-my frind Marji, over at tangled threads, is a good writer. She comes from an alien family, too but somehow they don't sound so crazy as mine. I think that is because she is a good writer and doesn;t wake up in the middle of the night in hysterics with an exploding head. So if you want to read you some good writing, go there. If you want to read you some hysterics, stay here. I have plenty.

My sister, Judythebeautiful makes me crazy.
Not ordinary crazy.
Not even google a picture crazy.
Crazy in that family way crazy.
You know-mom- is -dying-I have-to-have-your-help-and-you-are-unavailable-and-pretending-to-be-concerned-but-not-really-maybe-you-are-over-reacting-have you tried-warm-milk?-maybe-you-need-to-call-the-elders-for-a-blessing- kind of way. (That is another whole story and why I carry a "I am a Catholic" card in my wallet.)

My mother has been in the hospital for a WEEK. She is in a convalescent home now, since Friday. Judy told me she was leaving on Friday to come and evaluate the situation and probably take Mom home to Utah to die. And as much as I hate to do that, it is probably for the best.

Judy is a nurse after all and I'm not.
Judy is the executor of the estate and I'm not.
Judy wants to buy a big new house and probably can get Mom to finance it.
Oh, Judy doesn't work, has no retirement (she spent it) and is married to a felon (he didn't do it. Twice. Twenty years. Don't ask me what I think because I will tell you.)

I will tell you that I don't like him, my kids don't like him and my husband doesn't like him. And in general, we don't mind felons. We just don't like liars, thieves and embezzelers. And we usually can spot them ten words into a conversation.

I, on the other hand, bought a house for Mom to live in and paid for it for eight years. She did pay $500 a month "rent" but that was all inclusive. She decided that was all she was going to pay and that was that. Reminder to myself to get all the money talk taken care of before I go off doing the right thing. Oh, I'll do it, because it's right. I just need to tattoo it on my ass.

So last night, right before I dropped my cell phone into a cup of hot coffee, Judy tells me she will be driving out to see Mom maybe sometime next weekend. Maybe. Or sometime THE WEEK AFTER THAT. Because she isn't so sure that moving her is such a good idea.

I tell her that she needs to GET OUT HERE NOW because I am not the executor of the estate and while I can sign for a DNR (I'm good enough to put her down), I have signed for all of her financial and I need JUDY to now come tend to all of that. Oh, silly Chloe, you are mistaken! You are are on allllll the papers.

No. No I'm not.
That's why you and Mom had all those top secret meetings at the bank and with the lawyer.
That's why my name isn't on any of the accounts.
That's why I can't go into her apartment to get her clothes.
By cutting me out because she thought I was too stupid to take care of all of these details, she left them in the hands of someone who lives a thousand miles away.

I've done this several times before and what happens is that I get stuck with the many thousands of dollars worth of bills AND then I get sued for theft, because I didn't have the right to go into the house to get the clothes....and the family, who asked me to over the phone decides after the fact that I stole a bunch of stuff that didn't exist. It goes on for years and costs me thousands of dollars.

So Mom, you were in your right mind when you decided this.
I didn't think it was smart then and I sure don't think it is smart now but it's too late.
You are stuck with Judy and her Felon Boy husband and I'm pretty sure she'll go along with whatever he has planned and then, as usual, not have a clue. She was clueless with Mark and she's clueless now. And speaking from ten years with Jackson, sometimes you have to lie to yourself to live with yourself. But at least I knew I was doing it.

My bet is that FB, the embezzler will figure out a way to drain every dime Mom has ever had in her life and then leave the two of you penniless. He'll leave the country on a business trip to Belieze and you two will never hear from him again. I give him, oh, eight months.

And what do I base this on?
I talked to Judy just last week about this house they were closing on, which is why she couldn't come right away. Or were they still in negotiations? Since she had told me they were looking for a new house, that sounds like, well...LOOKING.

Evidently they already own it. Or at least "The Company" owns it. What company? She wasn't real sure..but she thought it might be an LLC. (That is French for felons trying to screw the government and their families).

Oh, did you use the money the hospital gave you for YOUR house? That was smart. Did you get a good deal?
Oh, gosh, she wasn't sure.FB used the house money to start up a business. They paid cash, though. (Oh, Please. Then why was Jeff behind on the mortgage payments?)

She and FB and Jeff had this company named,,,oh...New Freedom? something like that and it owned the house. Jeff wasn't part of the company anymore, so they had to buy him out.And Jeff was downsizing and had gotten behind and so they might be moving in there, as tenants. You know, business is really complicated.
WTF?
A crooked business is complicated. A legitimate business--well, you work your ass off.

Mike and I own a company. I know the name of it.
We have a trust. I know the name of that too.
We aren't the fucking tenants. We're the owners.

God, my head hurts. The clinic doesn't open until 8 and if I go to the ER, I would't be able to get a shot until then anyway.

There is no END to the many way I can get screwed. If I thought I could hold my head under water in the hot tub long enough, I would. I've tried it and all it does is mess up my hair and make me look both pathetic and crazy.

Which isn't far from the truth.

In Remembrance

2008-11-11T08:52:00.000-08:00

What was done in the great wars was awful. What is being done today is no less awful. Human life, lost or taken in any cause is always tragic and wrong, even when necessary.

The sacrifices made by those who paid a terrible price to right horrible wrongs have not been and will not be forgotten, not as long as my heart lifts when I hear the flag snap in the wind or when I see Nelson raise the flag in the morning or when I wonder which officer ha fallen when it is flying at half mast.

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

Out on the water in the dark

2008-11-10T10:17:00.000-08:00

Quiet, mostly.
I slipped into the water seamlessly, without all the usual crashing around. I had no big plans, except to get out onto the water for a little while. The extreme quiet helps to clear my head of all the multiple problems of the last week.

Mom is furious with me so Ben and I think it is a great idea that Judy take her to Utah to die. Let her be mad there. God knows, she's spent years either being furious with me or not knowing who I am---the Bendoski bunch needs to experience this and I can show up once a year for two days.

Si I was more in need of quiet than usual. I got lots. Deer for one, wandering in and out of the dark fog. Pelicans paddling alongside me. (My, they are odd looking creatures). Dozens of sea otters, preening themselves in the dark inky water, oblivious of me bobbing nearby.

I stayed out for maybe two hours--again, no camera because I really wanted to be right there, Maybe next time I'll take one out with me because it really is beautiful and peaceful.

I know I sure feel better.

Why yes, I DO believe in narcotics. Why do you ask?

2008-11-09T08:08:00.000-08:00

The next time I do this, I am saving up drugs and making sure that she is TOTALLY medicated before the ambulance shows up. I am never putting her through this again as long as I'm alive.

Because it's nothing like you think it is.
First, she gets moved from her bed onto the gurney.
Then up into the ambulance.
Then across town.
Then out of the ambulance, into the convalescence home.
Then from the gurney into her bed.
Then she had to get rolled around for a physical examination to make sure she didn't have any bedsores.
Then she had to get weighed-and since she couldn't stand up, they had to put her into a sling--even though AT THE HOSPITAL, they could and did weigh her right in the bed and had that written down, to the ounce.

So she has been yanked around for a good 90 minutes and is crying in pain and it is another hour before they can give her anything. She has a new geriatric doctor but won't even see him until Monday--so she has a stranger on call for the weekend. (This is something else a person needs to tend to before hand.)

If I had even guessed this was the way it was going to be, I would have dug around in my handbag and started giving her whatever I carry around with me. I would have gone home and rummaged around and found something in my little arsenal.

I know I couldn't do it at the nursing home or they would throw her out, but between the hospital and the nursing home, she belonged to nobody but me.

What good is the phrase "Keep her comfortable" if the people in charge know this is coming up and let her go into it, knowing she is going to be in unbelievable pain?

I don't even do this to my dogs.

From the land of the howler monkeys

2008-11-07T05:07:00.000-08:00

Mom is NOT happy at the hospital. She is going to be so more not happy at the nursing home she is going to today, because it is EVERYTHING she has feared.
The assisted living place she has been living in (her own SPACIOUS bed sitting room with her own things and two closets)---the one she calls a prison cell? THAT will be a welcome relief after this place, which is very nice but is still a rehab nursing home.

She will be sharing a room with three other women and has a nightstand, a bed and a curtain delineating her space. She is not going to like that.
At all.
I went over last night and got some pictures and her night gowns, but she is not going to be a happy girl.

She was not happy last night. I've been going over at 0500 before work and then again after work until about 11. She is in a lot of pain and has a DNR, so I have made it ABUNDANTLY clear that she is supposed to be kept comfortable. So we (a nurse, a CNA , Ben and me) are changing her, her bed and trying to pack her with pillows so she is comfortable. This takes a good hour.

Then she decides she wants to be on her other side, which is impossible because of bedsores. She's been on her other side all day. She starts to cry, which is pitiful. Ben is having none of it, because he can see what she is doing. As soon as he takes on that "No Shit Sherlock" tone with her, she gets that rotten kid look on her face.
"I'll throw the pillows off the bed!" This from a woman who can no longer feed herself.
"I'll hold my breath until I die!" Good luck with that.
"When I get out of this bed, I'll kick your ass!" Good luck with that.
"That's it, you two are out of the will!" That was last week.

She starts to whine and sounds exactly like her sister Jewel, which is the oddest thing. Jewel always had this particularly Oklahoma whine to her voice, which Mom never did. I guess it was just her inner two year old, waiting to pop out.

Then she starts to cry about the terrible pain. I go to find out about when she can get another morphine shot and ask if I can get one too. 30 minutes. Well, she wants on RIGHT NOW. She cannot live in this terrible pain they want her to exist in. Call the manager. She wants to talk to the manager because she is not happy with the service she is getting, not one bit. Then she decided she was going to start screaming.

That is when Ben took my elbow, told her "I have to get Mom out of this" and off we went.
He bought me dinner and made me go home.

I'm not as heartless as I sound. I'm going over in a few minutes to feed her breakfast. As soon as the ambulance comes, the hospital is calling Ben, who will call me and I'll leave work to settle her in. Ben will be with her all weekend

I want to pretend that this is going to be just for a little while and it is. But I think she will probably be going home soon. And when I was signing all the DNR papers at the nursing home---and there are a LOT---I was telling the head nurse that she wants to go home and I want her to be comfortable. Cath her, feed her candy, make sure she sleeps well NO MATTER WHAT. at this point in her life, addiction is not an issue. Plus there are a gazillion drugs to give her that aren't addictive--just make sure she gets them.

November 4, 2008

2008-11-04T20:32:00.001-08:00

The long road begins

2008-11-04T10:21:00.000-08:00

My mother is 90 and until just a few months ago, lived on her own. She lives in an assisted living home now, although is is gradually becoming more assisted every day. She gave her car to my sister. She takes the Medical transport to my clinic (my son meets her there) because it is so much more comfortable than having me pick her up in my car.

She has taken several bad falls--one of the reasons she isn't living on her own--and has injured her little vertebrae over the years. She just started on steroids to help with the inflammation and some other pills to help with the pain when she fell again last night. The nurses found her in a puddle of blood, having a heart attack.

Scared them to death because it sure scared ME.

So Mike and I zoomed the mile down to the hospital, her DNR clutched in my hands. (I keep it on the fridge.) She was in terrible pain (heart attacks evidently HURT LIKE HELL). Her stomach hurt. The fall hadn't done her any good either. And of course, it takes hours to figure out what the heck is going on while the patient (that would be my MOTHER) is lying there in agonizing pain.

Well, they don't call me Miss Bitch for nothing. SO I find the doctor, explain the way it's going to be. Show him my DNR stuff and explain that what I want is comfort, not salvation. Dilaudid and Phenergan sounds good to me, since she is allergic to morphine and codeine. And now.
AND get her in a hospital room and out of the ER. I am not having her die in here with all these lights.

It is exhausting being the bitch.

But today was not the end of this road. I'll get plenty of practice with this. She is sleeping peacefully and comfortably right now and should be going home later tonight.

5:32 Tuesday
She is staying at least another night. She is crying because of the pain, and IMO a DNR doesn't include sobbing yourself to death. She isn't ambulatory enough to return to the assisted living place, so I'm looking into an acute care place for a few days.

Her biggest concern is that the nursing staff thinks she is crazy for wanting a DNR. I say, who the HELL cares. She is afraid that they will just stick her in a corner to die in unbearable pain, I told her that was why I was the bitch daughter.

Then she is concerned that her very important papers won't be locked up. I have them locked up in my car, where I keep all my highly confidential work stuff. ("Do you keep your car locked?" Of COURSE I keep my car locked. Do you not have a clue of what I DO? Well, of course she doesn't.Why would she?)

So I am home now and I'll go by in the morning at five, on the way to work. I have a LONG day ahead and no idea what I'm going to do with her tomorrow.

Driving home tonight

2008-11-02T20:12:00.000-08:00

Over the mountains, dropping into the valley, it looked like we were driving down down to an immense lake.

No lights in the middle, just all around the edges, about 30 miles away. We usually drive back before it gets so dark because we like to see the deer up in the mountains. Another time, I guess.

Itch for a change

2008-10-30T01:19:00.001-07:00

I am still in the process of moving into my big warehouse of an office...it is a really huge organizational mess. (Did I say that?) I have stacks of lessons piled up in postal boxes, waiting to go into cabinets , waiting for the walls to be finished.

I have some lateral files on order, which will come some time in the future. What I have now is stuff I scrounged.. nothing says government worker bee like furniture in that hideous putty colored metal banged up stuff. It looks like I went shopping at the dump.

I am really fanatical about having my space look nice, since my program is super high profile (I get all sorts of surprise visits from the front office). Because of the high volume of work I'm, churning out, I need a high volume copy machine and a cage where the paper is kept. I have a Scantron on order, too.
"On order" is a government term. It means nothing. Sort of like "the check is in the mail."

I am dragging in baskets for my files and tossing out the card board boxes I've been using. It is starting to look nicer, mainly because I have enough room to keep everything. When I was in my teeny office, everything was just piled up on top of everything else.
This is much better, even though the gal I shared the old office with keeps bleating about how happy I am now. I'm happy because I'm not stepping over everything. She doesn't even figure into my work equation. (Very few people do).

The clerk/porters are repainting the walls (depending on which wall you were looking at, it was a dreary gray or electric yellow or black with poop brown accents). Everything is cream now and I am quite happy. Next week, when I'm (I'm testing something like 250 guys in mainline) .

I have a plant AND AN OUTSIDE LINE. You have no idea how valuable that is. (Okay, it is in a locked box and I don't have a key for the padlock, but like the gate key, I will eventually get one.) I have my own set of keys now, including a BATHROOM key. I can pee anywhere now.

AND I HAVE A FRIDGE. AND HOT WATER. (I have it, I'm not in it, lol.)

I finally got my spreadsheet to link, so I can keep all my reportable data on it. I'm working on another program (as in writing it--yay, me!) that will actually take the data and do all the ID test bubbling for me for the mainline testing (next week, 250 guys--a typical number, none of whom are smart enough to reliably bubble in his own name). It will be a HUGE timesuck saver.

I found some GED stuff I could use that would cut down on the amount of stuff I am actually having to write my own self--a huge time suck. And the SHU guys...most of them are great. Very focused and polite. They send there work in, I correct it, send it back with the next lesson. They do it, send it back, I correct it.....(that's what I'm doing when I'm testing those 250 guys).

Then I have some students who want special stuff. Color TVs. Ipods. Laptops. Palm Pilots. Blackberrys. And if I don't give it to them, they are going to sic some very bad guys on me. They know how to find me.

Oh. Please.

I don't even know how to find me.

Second Watch

2008-10-29T23:21:00.000-07:00

I get up around 0430 and sit out on the porch for a while with my husband. Watch the sky get light. Drink some coffee. Plan out our day. Talk to the dogs. Talk about how the stars have moved catty wampus across the sky from last night.

I leave the house a little before six, with a second cup of coffee, my knitting and my lunch and drive across the dark lake bottom to work.

The onliest people up are farmers and people going the same place I'm going.

I like working second watch. The jets from the air base make a net in the sky with their con trails and it makes me feel safe. The coyotes are trotting home. Sometimes I will see a cow calving and pull over. Sometimes, the the farmers are out raking or baling hay or picking cotton or harvesting wheat or picking corn and it is just a right, comfortable feeling . All is right with the world. I think not many people get to feel that way on the way to work.

The sun is lighting the sky and I get to see this every day. I take my joy where I can find it.

It makes up for the days when I cry on the way home.

Now who would have thunk?

2008-10-27T20:53:00.001-07:00

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...

You Are a Marilyn!

You are a Marilyn -- "I am affectionate and skeptical."

Marilyns are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative.

How to Get Along with Me

* Be direct and clear

* Listen to me carefully

* Don't judge me for my anxiety

* Work things through with me

* Reassure me that everything is OK between us

* Laugh and make jokes with me

* Gently push me toward new experiences

* Try not to overreact to my overreacting.

What I Like About Being a Marilyn

* being committed and faithful to family and friends

* being responsible and hardworking

* being compassionate toward others

* having intellect and wit

* being a nonconformist

* confronting danger bravely

* being direct and assertive

What's Hard About Being a Marilyn

* the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind

* procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself

* fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of

* exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger

* wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right

* being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations

Marilyns as Children Often

* are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn

* are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger

* form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent

* look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel

* are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent

Marilyns as Parents

* are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty

* are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence

* worry more than most that their children will get hurt

* sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

Hey! I'm one classy dame!

2008-10-27T17:49:00.000-07:00

Click on the title if you want to take the quiz
I scored 26% grit, 14% wit, 33% flair, and 36% class!

You are class itself, the calm, confident "perfect woman." Men turn and look at you admiringly as you walk down the street, and even your rivals have a grudging respect for you.
You always know the right thing to say, do and, of course, wear.
You can take charge of a situation when things get out of hand,( duh, I work in a prison) and you're a great help to your partner even if they don't immediately see or know it.
You are one classy dame.
Your screen partners include William Powell and Cary Grant, you little simmerpot, you.

8am meeting

2008-10-27T16:50:00.000-07:00

0500
Coffee blah blah blah blah coffee blah blah coffee blah coffee blah blah blah blah

0522
Great testing numbers over on "A" yard. 225 scores so far. 54 GEDs. Good job!

What are your plans for the inmates who work during the day? Haven't given it a thought. (NOT MY PROBLEM and if you think I am coming in at night you are crazy).

What about the inmates who are locked down? Haven't given it a thought. (NOT MY PROBLEM and if you think I am going into their cells you are crazy).

How about the inmates who don't speak English and would like to take the GED test? I know the answer to this one!They can take it when they get OUT of prison. We don't give it in Spanish here. I can;t give it because I TEACH it. The state GED guys are funny that way.

And where are we as far as GED testing in the SHU? (We aren't certified by the state office.)
When will that happen? (When Nancy from Sacramento gets clearance. She has been trying to get that super duper FBI clearance now for, oh, three years. Ball is sort of in your court.)

Oh.You can go now.

So I drove down to McDonald's got some breakfast and coffee and then came back to work and tested all day. And if I told you what that was like you wouldn't believe it. Suffice to say, it is a good thing that we have prisons.

It's not that I'm Important

2008-10-26T05:39:00.000-07:00

Because God knows, I'm not.

But I just got an "emergency" email for the Monday meeting ( I bet it has nothing to do with me at all and they better have good coffee). Nothing makes me happier than getting a work email on a Sunday. We are in a leaderless state (no real principal), the acting is out, Jaqui is at training, the AP is out and that leaves just me knowing anything about this. And I gues they figured they better let me know now so I could get cleaned up, cause you never know what I'll look like.

The only ER meetings I can go to are these kinds because the rest of the week, somebody has to come hunt me down, because I have officers and a buncha inmates all ducated to test. I cannot just jump into my batmobile and swoop on down to the front, stopping for a soda on the way.

Not only am I busy, I am far away, locked up and busy.

And I am leaving that meeting at 820 because if I don't start at 830, we won't get finished by yard recall. And if there's a lockdown...well, praise Jesus, is all I can say. I need two or three days or a week.

I'm changing my email to mygiveadamnisbusted.com
And I'm never going to check it on the weekend.
Ever.

Those guys are not the boss of me 24/7.

I like Lyle's better

2008-10-25T12:40:00.000-07:00

It gets me in the mood for my day

Fall Out

2008-10-25T07:02:00.000-07:00

We've been going over to Morro Bay every weekend for the last ten years.

Unless we are at the Grand Canyon, that's where we are...either on the water or sitting on the patio, above the golf course, watching the tide go in and out and the deer wandering around. The fog rolls up the hill at this time of day and softens everything.

So the plan on my calendar for this weekend was for Brent and Mike and I to take to boat out, drop anchor and let Brent work on some of his sketches for a new series he was planning...some kind of rippling water transparent abstract thing was how he described it. Mike was going to do some diving and I was going to knit out in the sun. Coach's "little" girl, Jaime, just had a baby (She is LISI'S age, which just doesn't make it seem possible that she even has a baby.)

Then we'd probably grill some fish out on the dock. Sunday was going to be of the same.

But instead, we are staying home. I can't even bear to go flipping thru my calendar and delete Brent from our plans-not yet. It is hard enough to go over and clean out his house and bundle up his belongings for charity. I still have to clean up his studio because I can't ask Mike to do either one and there is no one else.

It's not so bad during the week--I'm so busy, I don't have time to think. It's the weekends that are killing me. It's the opposite for Mike. He saw Brent all week long, so the whole week is hard for him. Plus he gets phone calls all week long from Brent's friends who somehow think that he has all the answers.
He doesn't.

I just MOVED in July

2008-10-24T16:37:00.000-07:00

I moved out of 3A in July out to Work Change and then out to Plant Ops--about 2 miles from the parking lot. Today I moved out of the teeny weeny office into a great big office across the hall and I am tired. Tired. Tired. Tired.

You would think that with a lot of help (five clerks who did all of the heavy stuff), there would have been almost nothing for me to do, wouldn't you? No matter how much help you have, there is a ton of stuff you have to do your own self.

I did manage to get my desk set up and my computer ready to go for Wednesday and all of my testing stuff ready for Monday and Tuesday. I have 60 guys to test/ducat/arrange for escorts/make sure I have the room/make sure I have FOUR officers assigned to my area. It is a huge deal because it runs over two shifts on Monday. On Tuesday, I test out in the cabinet shop--just twelve guys.

Wednesday is a slow day....I work with my own 200 students.. but I have to have them escorted down to me on Wednesdays, which can take forever. So on Wednesdays, I'm usually there late, just so I can get my Shubies done. They transfer in and out there so much that it seems that I say the same thing over and over, but I do have guys in the algebra segment. They have to request tutoring and my cut-off hour is two thirty because SHU is a time suck, just like etsy. And there's no OT, just good planning.

I ducat my own guys to test all day Thursday and half day Friday
Friday afternoon, I prep for Monday and Tuesday for 3A and Voc.

So it is 100 miles an hour all week long. I sandwich in meetings with the warden and lunch and paperwork and trotting off to work change or 3A or the SHU (all handily located about 2 miles equidistant from each other and my office). They don't pay me to saunter around.

By Friday, I am tired.

Some of Brent's friends called today

2008-10-23T17:50:00.000-07:00

Which was so sweet and thoughtful.

This has been almost as hard on all of us as it was when we found out about Jackson, worse really because when Jackson went missing we worried ourselves sick for a year. With Brent, it came as such a surprise.

If it's October, I can't go to Fresno

2008-10-23T06:38:00.001-07:00

In fact, I may not got to Fresno again. Ever.

The people there are impatient drivers.
And rude.
And in the big, wonk eyed hurry.

And yesterday, i violated my own rule of not going to the Fresno from October-January because there are too many Christmas crazy people on the road....and I was right.

Rude. Crowded. Crazy. Wonky-eyed honkers.
I hate people who honk their horns.

In the Hanford, the onliest horn honkers are the trains that go thru town, because this is not the NYC.
Nobody honks their horn in the San Francisco.
In the LA, they don;t waste their time honking, they just shoot you. Straight to the point.

But Fresno has lost all of my respect and money. Well, except for Barnes and Noble. I'll go there but only because it's a straight shot right off the freeway.

There was more horn honking going on yesterday in the Fresno that I have ever heard in my life.
So I am not going back.

I am however, going in this morning to get a ginormous shot for the evil spirits inside my head who are trying to escape. They have pointy little sticks and are try to jab their way thru my eyeball. For a nickel, I'd get a drill and let them out because it REALLY hurts. Not wonder the Aztec/Mayans/Indiana Jones guys drilled holes in their heads. It sounds like a really good idea to me right now.

The clinic opens at eight and I will knock down any old ladies who get in my way.

This is what last week taught me

2008-10-21T19:52:00.001-07:00

A Birth Certificate shows that we were born.
A Death Certificate shows that we died.
Pictures show that we lived.

I Believe...
That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.

I Believe...
That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I Believe...
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I Believe...
That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I Believe....
That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I Believe...
That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I Believe...
That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe...
That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I Believe...
That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I Believe...
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe...
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe...
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I Believe...
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I Believe...
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe...
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe...
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I Believe...
That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others; sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe...
That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I Believe...
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe...
That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I Believe...
Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I Believe...
That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I Believe...
That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I Believe...
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe...
That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I Believe...
That the delete button is every bit as important as spell check.

I Believe...
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything ...

Spent the day testing testing testing

2008-10-20T18:31:00.001-07:00

I can;t even count how many guys I tested--all I know is that they made SIXTY GAIN POINTS, which is huge. And this is only October. I have until next July to hit my year's limit. And this was only one yard..I have the entire SHU to do, too.

This means nothing to anyone not working in corrections. It is GIANT if you do.

I love this

2008-10-20T17:03:00.001-07:00

Trying to post an actual knit pattern

2008-10-19T12:12:00.000-07:00

WAY easier than it looks.

Keep tuning it, because it is one of most enduring favorites. I've been making this same pattern now for...oh, 25 years and I still like it. It is easy, entertaining and quick. Very little math. Cute in all manner of yarns. I can make it stripey or textured or subtle or bright. Mainly, it is just tapioca for my brain and that is plenty good enough for me.

This is pretty much the sketch I use all the time. I can add cuffs to the sleeves or make it a cardigan, no problem. It is nice, mindless and slouchy. Fitted? Now that's another pattern.

Mailed in my ballot

2008-10-18T03:07:00.000-07:00

This was one terrible week.just tragic

2008-10-14T20:57:00.000-07:00

My husband's friend killed himself Friday night.
He went into our office, found a gun and shot himself in the yard.

We were over at the house on the beach and got this weird call...weird as in "I think Brent is dead over here." How can you think someone is dead?

How can something so final and horrible be an "I think" moment? How can someone make a call like that when you are sitting on the patio eating toast and watching the boats sail by?

Nothing we could do, so we stayed there, whacked out, wracked by our own personal demons. We had just seen him on Thursday and HE WAS FINE.

Fine. Fucked. Insecure. Neurotic. Emotional.
Obviously, he was fine.

Mike blamed himself, all afternoon and into the night and all this week Needless to say, we spent the week up all night, wondering what we could have done/seen/said and then working all day. We are still a little zombie like. Okay, I'm a mad zombie.

It is a terrible thing to lose a friend; to not see it coming when you see someone day in and day out. All the guys on the crew are hurting as well and the sad thing is the I can get mad and they keep it all bottled up inside.

In hindsight, I can see all of the little (well, little to me) things that just piled up on Brent.
The poetry slams didn't take off
The Angry Poet business didn't take wing.
The crazy former girlfriend who managed to show up everywhere, shrieking like a banshee.
His abstract painting, while slowly taking off, wasn't zooming to the top like all his asshole art buddies were telling him it should.
Sort of hard to hear how fantastic, insightful, incredibly talented you are and still not able to make a living at your art. LIKE WHO DOES? But that was part of his illness which caused him to stick a gun to his head at 1 am and pull the trigger.

I can't tell you how many thousands of hours Brent spent over our kitchen table, while I made pasta with whatever I had in the garden and whatever I had butchered lately.
Great meals , listening to opera way into the night.

We spent wonderful weekends over in Morro Bay--Brent would stay on our boat with his dogs and we'd stay at out house and he would sketch and think and amble over for dinner. Mike would work on his stained glass. We'd sit out on the patio and watch the tide go out. It doesn't sound like much, written down, but it was just normal for us. Good food. Good friends. Nothing earthshaking.

I'd knit, we'd drink gallons of coffee and then there was always that back beat of male conversation in the background. Dogs in my lap. Feet up on a chair and quilts over our shoulders.

Mike and Brent were unique in that Mike was his sponsor, employer, patron and friend. He often said that the surest way to run a person off was to become their sponsor but this wasn't the case with Brent--it just made us all closer, until the end.

They talked, not about family or childhood, but about addiction and overcoming their present demons. I have plenty of experience of jumping on the sole crazy train myself, where a permanent solution sounds like the perfect solution to a temporary problem and it seemed as though they were able to hash it out every time.

And there were plenty of times--not just on the weekends, but during the week and in the middle of the night. That crazy button is no respector of the clock. Thank God for coffee and insomnia. Somebody is always awake over here, so it was never an imposition or even a surprise to find Brent sitting on the front porch. Tank would barrel down the stairs and keep him company or just alert us that we needed to pour another cup and open the door.

This whole week was hideous.
We talked with the girlfriend. Waited for family. Talked with the sheriff's department. Got called a motherfucker by tg....and where that came from, I'm not sure. She got to stay in the house, heck, almost a month's rent and utility on my nickle and I'M the motherfucker?

This whole thing MAKES ME FURIOUS.

I feel terrible for all for the people who are left behind in the wake of this, but by hell, I'm left behind, too.

And I have all the crap to clean up. I get to clean up the blood and the brains and all the junk that no one deemed valuable enough to cart off and said "Somebody will take care of the crap".
(Or most likely, in the words of tg, "Brent said you and Mike would take care of meeeeeeee.")
By this time, tg is not on my list of favorite people.

Well ALL is a LOT to dump on a person's lap, with a snotty father on the other end of the phone line, threatening litigation. And these are the self-same people who had the keys for a week, not me.

Obviously, tgd doesn't know me, since all the lawyers east of the Mississippi don't scare me. All of Oprah's lawyer's don't scare me. But, like I said, obviously, he doesn't know me. tg must have spent a lifetime hiding behind someone, if she thinks calling me a motherfucker would make me spring to her bidding.

And I don't like it much. At all in fact.
Treat me like crap-fine. I'm used to it. I work in a prison and I get this all day long. It's not personal. Selfish, sure. Self-involved, absolutely. Personal? Not at all. I am simply in the way. (In the way when it suits your fancy. Which is just a fancy way of saying you are a selfish and self involved to the extreme.

Treat Mike like crap? Call HIM a Mother Fucker?
You have another think coming, and coming fast.

And that cleanup somebody is ME-body. And I don't much like being in the loop when you like it and being ordered around when it suits your fancy.

And no one is coming over and saying poor poor Chloe. Poor, poor Mike.

Nope, It's Motherfucker, as usual.

And if I'm not writing poetry to stick on the end of my post, it's because I'm on my hands and knees. scrubbing the newly vacated rental so I can recoup my losses because utilities aren't free.
Studio rent isn't free.

I paid for all of this because Brent was my friend and Mike's friend and you can't put a price on friendship but gosh, it sure would be nice if someone noticed. If someone said, hey, this was my dad/brother/boyfriend, let me pay. By now thank you is too late.

Nope. I spend hundreds of hours in the belly of the beast with the worst kinds of people you can IMAGINE--people who are so awful that they make Charles Manson look like your favorite baby sitter--- and I'm glad to spend it on Brent...I just don't want to spend it on deliberate destruction by some 9-month girlfriend.

Why, yes I am a bitch.
Scrubbing up after other people who leave in the night without a thank you will do that to a person.

Going over in the middle of the night and shoveling gravel over the blood and the brains so my husband doesn't have to see it?
Taking care of the million and one details of a tragedy?
That will do it to a person.

Wind me up and I'll do the right thing because that is the way I'm wired.
My job is protect my husband who doesn't deserve to be treated like crap with a wallet.

What's that you say? Doesn't seem right? A little one sided?
Oh, maybe you want to read their side of it? Go right ahead.

Because I'm the one up in the middle of the night with Mike. From the first. Not tg. Mike. And tonight? It's Mike. And tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. And tg? She has to look at herself and I guess that is the dish served best cold.

And really, I don't care about anyone else.
And if that seems harsh, well, suicide is a pretty harsh piece of reality. Who would know better than me?

It's not my first and it won't be my last because in my heart, I keep believing that ten years and the self-respect we shared is worth it.

Brent, we had you for ten wonderful years. years that I think you wouldn't have had and you were an honorable man and a wonderful friend to Mike. We may never get over you...and I say that in a good way. Good friends are a rarity and you should leave a hole in our hearts.

And you have. Tank misses you, too. I know I do.

Fair sailing, my friend. Smooth waters.

Caught

2008-10-08T21:01:00.001-07:00

Goals for 2009

2008-10-04T10:27:00.000-07:00

No more headaches. I'll try to do what the head doctor tells me. It's been a THREE whole weeks now since my head shot...so far so good.
Finish my blue sweater. Can't finish if I don't even bother to pick it up.
Finish grey sweater. DONE
Repair pink afghan. See #3.
I'd like to go to Stitches West in 2011. I have plans for 2009 and 2010, so 2011 is my first opening. (How did I manage to get booked so far in advance?)
MLK weekend-well, already I have to put that on hold. I'm booked for that weekend. Darn-ola.
Rag roll the dining room (that dusty pink is just off the mark) and then stripe it with painters tape and THEN paint over it with clear glaze. That will give me just the sheerest stripe that will just pick up the light.
Cruise to Alaska. July 2009 (Paid for)
Refinish my sewing table. I think I'll take it over to the coast and work on it over there. I want to strip it down to the bare wood (it's painted white now) and then stain it something dark to go into my little office off the master bedroom in the hotel.
Zero out my credit cards. I think I owe less than $900, so I can do this by next month. I just have to write the checks. DONE
Renew my teaching credential. Silly me, I thought last time WAS the last time. Once more. Maybe.
Go thru my closet and actually get rid of my clothes that are too big. When we moved out to Plant Ops (2 miles from the parking lot) I lost FOUR SIZES. Even my equipment belt can't keep my pants up anymore. I need to toss out my slacks and actually buy new ones (okay-seven new ones that all look exactly the same) that at least fit.
Recover my big huge couch with a leopard print velvety chenille (as soon as the upholstery shop reopens at the prison, or I couldn't afford what I want. I have the gimp and the fancy nails that I'll put on myself, along with the heavy fringe). The inmates will do the triple tobacco colored welting, though.
I already have the fabric (on sale at the Cotton Ball) and the fabric for the over-sized cushy down pillows with the really luxe fringe (again, on sale from the Britex). Once that gets done, up into the hotel and cover with a set of Salvation Army sheets. Really, this fabric is beyond luxe and totally over the top. And the trim is something you would see in an old style Hollywood estate--totally and outrageously expensive (except I got the very end of the bolt for almost nothing and I haggeled over the price.)
Make the fancy, elaborate Victorian lampshades to go in the hotel. It is all hand sewing and even I can do that.

Knitting weather and shots in my head

2008-10-02T05:54:00.000-07:00

The weather has finally turned--it is 20 degrees cooler today than yesterday. Most of the crops are in, except for the cotton and the raisins and I wonder how the farmers will manage to get them out of the fields with out a few more weeks of dry hot weather.

The grapes are already on the ground, lying on the papers, so they will mold right there if it isn't dry and hot enough.
AND the cotton--well, those cotton farmers should go to Gambler's Anonymous is all I'm saying. Every year is a terrific gamble. At least with cows you can manage to get something. With cotton it is all pinned on the last weeks of October and the weather.

We spent two days in the San Francisco---pretty boring, with no lights, no action, no shopping. Staying at the Cathedral Hill hotel on Van Ness and Geary (spacious room, balcony, garden view, quiet, good parking) and then went to UC/SF early the next morning for some head shots for my migraines. Not as awful as the last go round.

I go back in January and I'm hoping that I can get Lisi to take me. Mike hates driving in the city and is on edge the whole time. Even I'm not so bad, but of course, I can't drive after having gigantic needles jammed up into my head. I stayed awake the whole way home (five hours) and we didn't miss a single exit. I did feel goofy that day and the next but I feel fine today. I think it is sort of odd to have my life defined by my headaches, though. It's the first thing I think of---the ONLY thing I thing of. How is my head? Sort of like having a colicky baby.

Next time we go to the SF, I think I want to go to Britex....if Mike doesn't go with. I'm going to set the guest room up as a sewing room because I really like sewing and I'd like to make some shirts for myself out of some nice (non-WalMart) fabric to wear to work. Just nice, plain can't-buy-to-off-the-rack stuff to wear with my plain don't-look-at-me slacks. I work in the SHU and wear riot gear, so I have a real narrow idea of what is comfortable and easy to wear.

And speaking of the SHU, I am really loving my little GED Express program. I'm still only about a month ahead of the students, but I get about 25 lessons in a week to grade, write my little notes on the tests and shoot them right back out to them, so we have that little dialog. They get immediate feedback and a new lesson, which hadn't been happening. At the end of each unit, they get a certificate. I test each week-once on the general population yard and then three days in the SHU in cages---which takes forever but in prison, time is really the only commodity anyone has. I think I have found my little niche. Now I just have to generate the numbers and progress to justify it to keep it.

We get up early

2008-10-01T06:17:00.000-07:00

Like 5, at the latest. Hop into the hot tub.Look at the stars, which have moved around the sky from last night. Feed the dogs. It is October now and officially too cold for swimming, which goes on from Easter to the end of September and has for, oh, the last 30 years. Which is a really long time, even when I had to use the city pool, which was heated and could have gone on for a lot longer.

So I'm dressed by 6 but it usually takes me another 15 minutes to find my shoes. Then it is a mad dash out the door, because I don't speed. I leave at the same time every day and I get there when I get there.

Lisi is coming over and spending the night, so it is Chinese take-out tonight. I haven't seen her for, oh, maybe a month. She is busy with second watch and overtime.

Sick and Twisted

2008-09-28T07:02:00.000-07:00

Click on the "Sick and Twisted" title for the video
What working in a prison will do to a girl's sense of humor!

Shooting Stars and stained glass

2008-09-27T07:55:00.000-07:00

This has been an amazing couple of nights for deep dark starlit nights filled with stars just tumbling from the heavens. Of course, you have to be awake and outside to see all of this, but it is just beautiful! Then I had to get all philosophical and try to wrap my brain around how far it is from where I am to the next star and how far it would be from there to the NEXT star I can't even see (gave up on that--my brain doesn't stretch that far). Then I sidetracked myself off to the concept of life and death and how a shooting star has done both and here I was seeing something that had happened how many thousands of years ago and just now managed to make it into my view? and for how brief of a time? And then how the eternal clock really is different than an Earthly one....which was just too much deep thinking for me.

Driving into work super early yesterday (I had to go into work early to cover the office/pick up Mock for a shoot up in the Tower/get lessons mailed out/finish up my GED social studies unit---which was way more time consuming than I thought). Working in the middle of the bottom of a lake bed, in a huge ag area is always a pleasure, no matter what I say when it is hot.

Something is always going on. Today, most everything is being harvested, so there is a fine film of dust, hovering a foot off the ground.

What isn't being harvested is being tilled back into the ground, getting ready to be planted again. This is big farming and there is very little down time. When I was growing up, we couldn't physically work the ground like this---there just weren't enough of us.

But here, a crop is harvested, tilled up, amended, ripped, planted and the whole cycle starts up again. I'm sure not everyone notices but I do and that's why I like living here in the big flat middle of nowhere.

The one where I test and test and test some more

2008-09-23T20:09:00.001-07:00

I'm testing all this week. I ducat a bunch guys and test them in visiting....about 30 at a time for an hour. One bunch comes in, goes out and another comes in. It's a 30 minute math test. If they don't show up, I drop them from my program and they get their recess card yanked.

Harsh, but that's the way of the world.

I have about 200 guys on the waiting list and every one of them is just one assignment and one test away from getting dumped. Miss either one and off you go.

I have about the same number of guys in the SHU just dying to get on the list...and it is tough to even get out there to get them tested. So once they are on the list, they make sure that they get their stuff turned in on time and show up so they don't end up with nothing to do. Getting mail every day is pretty much the only entertainment.

This year, I am hoping to get actual GED testing started out there---they test up in Pelican Bay, where the whole place is the SHU and on lockdown all the time. If they can do it, I can't see why we can't. I can teach circles around anyone in Pelican Bay.

With a sack on my head.

On a bad day.

The one where I get out the graph paper and the tape measure

2008-09-05T22:10:00.000-07:00

I need a garage at the hotel. And a veranda on the back. And a place to put the elevator. And a place for the hot tub and a place to hang out the laundry.

Time to get out my #2 pencil.

We own the parking lot. I want some kind of secure fencing that magically opens so I don't have to wrestle with gates. It has to be the non-climbing kind, since I also don't want to come face to face with some gang banger smoking dope on my veranda. Razor wire, anyone?

I'm thinking that the elevator can come up from the parking lot and stop at the back veranda and you can come in the back door. There is a little utility hallway there that I was going to use as a mop room, but I could use the laundry room for my one mop, doncha think? How much mopping do you really think I do? (That would be little to none.)

That way, I could have a guest room in the back (which no one will ever use) and a guest room in the front (which no one will ever use). But it sure makes me look like I am a good hostess and what the heck am I going to do with the rooms anyway? Board them up? I already have the beds.

Anyway, I want a hot tub but I wasn't really crazy about putting it practically on Main Street. If I put it on the back veranda, we can put up lattice (it has to be the squared kind, not the diamond kind) and REALLY have some privacy...not only for the hot tub but also for the laundry on the line and the other untidiness of life. Ooh, maybe I can figure out a trash chute so I never ever have to take out the trash again.

The elevator is in pieces. We bought it from a department store in Maine and had it shipped out. We have pictures of it being taken apart and all the pieces are numbered. I'm pretty sure Mike can get it back together. Sarah's husband is an elevator guy; so is his Dad. They can help. So I'm pretty confident I won't be falling to my death. And it is only two stories. How far is that, anyway? The pulleys and stuff go on top of the shaft, so it's not like we have to excavate a big hole or anything.

A Red Door for Ben

2008-09-04T22:39:00.000-07:00

Ben's house is almost done ...the fireplace gets the finishing touches tomorrow; the shower door goes in; the washer/dryer/fridge gets delivered on Saturday: the final part of the new fence goes up tomorrow morning; the certificate of occupancy gets signed off tomorrow afternoon and he starts the big mooove on Saturday.

And it's paid for as of today.

The doctor's told me that if we could get him to 24, he would be safe. And now that he's 24, he has a house, so that he isn't at the mercy of a landlord. Tank is moving in with him, so he has both a buddy and a watchdog--something those two cats just couldn't manage to be. They are moving in with me, Mike and Rocket. Can't wait to see how THAT is going to turn out. Rocket hates Jackie, so I don't imagine that she is going to be thrilled with Big Head and Baby, nor they with her.

Lisi wrecked her car....well, some unlicensed, uninsured jump-out-the-car-and-run-dude in Dinuba ran into her. The car was insured, but she has a $500 deductible. Lesson #35: always have $500 in the bank if you have a $500 deductible so you can bail your car out of car jail. Just sayin'. Even if it's not your fault. Which it wasn't.

I had this week off and managed to pretty much do nothing except pay bills and drain the koi pond. It is amazing how gunky it gets and how long it takes, even now that I actually have a plan that works. I have a sump pump that drains most of it onto the yard and various flower beds---I have to set a timer and drag the hose all over the yard. Then when it gets down to the bottom, say the last three days of this, I have to put a hose in it to keep washing the gunk into the pump and not end up with a gunk only mess for the fish to be gasping their last in. The last day finds me sitting on the edge of the pond, book in hand with the hose and the broom trying the get the green stuff out and the clean water in, but not at such at crazed rate that my fish drop dead. I've gotten pretty good at it.

I have some pots at the waters edge that I'm going to put some pond plants in this spring. Another project is to get the filter going and put mint in pots in there, on top of the rocks. I'm wrapping the filter in bamboo and putting some ivy or something in baskets this year. The plastic is just to temporary looking. Time for a little change. I have some stone statues and a stone bench I'm going to drag down from the hill and put down by the pond.

The weather is starting to cool off a little, so I am a little more energetic as far as yard work goes. During the really hot summer I am totally useless. It is just no fun for me. Late summer, fall, winter, spring....I'm your girl. Summer? 107? Forget it. That garden better be on life support.

I'll go pick stuff because....well, it would be a sin not to. And it is better than getting into a hot car after work and going to the store, walking up and down the aisles, getting back into a hot car and driving home.

Because God forbid, I go home and then go out. Why? Because I spend ENOUGH time with people and once I am unleashed, I don't want to see anybody anymore. I love my kids. I love my friends. I just don't want to see anybody. That is why I live out in the country. (That is why Marji lives out in the FAR country and I need directions every time I go see her).

Like I do not have enough to worry about

2008-08-15T05:31:00.000-07:00

My daughter comes from a short line of risk takers.
Me.
My philosophy has pretty well been why participate in a sport if there isn't a really high percentage risk factor that you will break something. Or maybe kill yourself. Or get eaten. Like:
swimming with sharks
Sticking your hand in holes
jumping off cliffs
rappelling off cliffs
skiing down slopes that are obviously beyond your skilll level
hang gliding
or my favorite-going on a road trip with no map and only the vaguest idea of where you are going (like, oh Central America-ish)
and other dangerous crap I have forgotten.

So Lisi (who is a cop) tells me in that bye the bye manner of a person JUST LIKE ME that last weekend she went cliff diving.
WTF?
Cliff diving?
You can break your neck doing stuff like that.
Did she check to see how deep it was?
Nope. It looked deep enough.
Other people were doing it.
It looked both scary AND fun. She forgot the break your neck and be a para/quadrplegic for the rest of your life part. It probably slipped her mind. If it had even CROSSED it.

Well, I know that feeling. I have it every day at work, when I trot out to see the new generation of Hannibal Lectors.

Rock on, Lisi. Enjoy it now because one day, it might possibly catch up with you. Or not. Depends. Then you will look at stuff, oh, say men's gymnastics on the the rings and think to yourself "Man! That looks rough on a rotator cuff!" Or watch the girls go flying thru the air, only to whomp on the mat with their teeny tiny ankles and think "Man, that is going to hurt one day."

Gravity and mortality.
Quite a heavy burden to drag around.
I think I need some Butterfingers to get me through this.
A great big box of them and I am going to hide them at work.

Because sometimes that is the only thing that helps.

The one where I meet my clerks

2008-08-09T16:19:00.000-07:00

They are both stone killers for hire with parole dates 70 years from now. Very good with paper and very organized. My yard office is miked and has a camera- a first for me, which just serves as a reminder that these guys need to be watched and closely.

I have a main office where I spend part of the time, where my computer and high volume copier is. I do all the copy work myself, so I know that no one is doing unauthorized copies for inmates out on the yard.

The clerks and I work on grading and stuffing mail outs in the office located on the yard, where I have a classroom so I can test and tutor guys on the yard. All my students have jobs, so they have to fit me in during the day. Some of them work out in the dairy or in the Prison Industries, so I try to pick them up after their shift.

I go out to the SHU once a week and test there. I hate going to the SHU. The guys are one step past Hannibal Lector and just give me the creeps. The upside of the SHU is that since I am pure entertainment, they are usually very good and respectful-because if they scare me, I won't call them back out.

I'm working on a new program called GED Express, which is self paced, self taught and takes about six month to complete. If a student honestly works it, they can pass the GED test. If they just fool around....well, it gives them something to do, I guess.

Look what I found over at Shrinky Inky's

2008-08-07T18:00:00.000-07:00

You can tell when I am stuck in my knitting.

you are turquoise
#40E0D0

Your dominant hues are green and blue. You're smart and you know it, and want to use your power to help people and relate to others. Even though you tend to battle with yourself, you solve other people's conflicts well.

Your saturation level is higher than average - You know what you want, but sometimes know not to tell everyone. You value accomplishments and know you can get the job done, so don't be afraid to run out and make things happen.

Your outlook on life is bright. You see good things in situations where others may not be able to, and it frustrates you to see them get down on everything.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

The one where my prison is on MSNBC

2008-08-02T18:40:00.001-07:00

They were at CSP-Corcoran for what seemed like months, but I guess they were only there for about five weeks. My personal opinion was that they had story lines in place and just needed to find inmates that fit, to make good television.

This first installment of a six part series is called Corcoran: Extended Stay: Love and Hate

Yep. It is violent, just like it shows. We search all the time. Inmates sometimes don't identify assailants because they don't KNOW the assailant. Of course, prison politics being what they are, if they do know the attacker, they aren't going to rat him out. However, watching the way the races interact is exactly what we do...even in the classroom. We watch for body language and we watch for individual "tells". I like to think I can spot a liar because I can see the flash of a tell, no matter how good they are, mainly because most inmates underestimate me.

SNY is commonly called the Sensitive Needs Yard, but it is a Security Needs Yard. The inmates assigned to this yard are gay, convicted of skin crimes or jumped out of a gang. Oddly, EVERY SINGLE ONE of them will say that they are gang drop outs. Baloney. (And I've never heard a gang called a "car". Ever.)

THE HOLE. We call the SHU and AdSeg the hole. both of them are 23/7 lockdown. AdSeg is a little less severe with less time--sort of a time out while we sort things out. The SHU...well you get a SHU term. Freddie Wanted Dead or Alive (a former kinder of mine) has done a number of SHU terms. So has Hismael (not his real name). They get sent to the SHU for being bad bad very bad.

IGI...Garcia was my BEST training cop!I worked with him for maybe three straight years. I still can call him and ask him anything. IGI is always busy checking, searching, listening,reading. I can tell you that if ANY inmate says "to tell you the truth" or "honestly" is probably lying.

FYI, I worked on the dayroom floor on a different yard for a year. I really liked it but it was also much more of a security issue. You can see how wide open it is.

The one where I put my computer together

2008-08-02T08:16:00.000-07:00

Why do computers have so many cords? Why is it possible for me to put every single one of the cords in every conceivable way but the right way? Rhetorical, since there is only one way for a phone charger to fit into the cell phone. It always takes me two tries to get it to fit. Okay, sometimes three.

So I am trying to hook up my computer and I know for a fact I have all the cords, since I'm the one who took it apart and taped all the cords to the printer, which brings up yet ANOTHER question. WHY is my printer so huge?

So I finally get all the cords except one connected (one disappeared. I hope it's not vital.) Then I have to crawl under my desk and find the plug for the surge protector to go in. So I am lying there on the dirty floor and thinking about people on a chatboard I frequent who often mention about how teachers do no manual labor. I have just moved hundreds of boxes that I packed. I have moved hundreds of pieces of furniture. I've loaded trucks. I've off loaded trucks. And that's just HERE.

So I'm lying there wondering how long I could lie there before someone noticed me. All day probably. And the floor is filthy. When Oscar Madison gets her junk put away, I am going to have Hismael (NHRN) and Freddie Wanted Dead or Alive strip it and wax it. This new office area is altogether far too dirty to not be a barn.

The one where I have to share an office

2008-07-31T15:36:00.000-07:00

I haven't shared an office for oh, maybe 35 years. Maybe longer. But I'm finding that I don't much like it.
I like my work space a certain way. Tidy, clean. Mainly tidy.
My office mate?
Not so much.
I have TWO boxes.
She has EIGHTY.

EIGHTY.

None of them are put away.
She has an equal pile of junk that isn't even contained in boxes (we ran out).

I am so not happy.

However, if you just happen to mosey past my office, you only see my little bit of it.
Not the mess.

I feel like the Odd part of the Odd Couple.

They don't call Topamax Dopamax for nothing

2008-07-28T18:59:00.000-07:00

I am not a fan of Topomax, mainly because it can make a person stupid. I've tried it a LOT of times and it has made me really stupid. Really fast.

I did mention, oh....about 50 times that it makes me really stupid and my doctor, Dr. Big Shot told me I'd be dandy if I just started slow and low.

I've heard that before and from more guys than just him.

Doctors for some reason think maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. I mention it REALLY strongly and they always say oh, whoever prescribed it didn't start me off low and slow enough. Believe me, any lower and slower, I wouldn't be talking it at all. I'd be taking it next week.

So I started low and slow...just like he told me to and this morning I got lost on the way to work.

I turned right instead of left and ended up on 13th instead of 10 1/2. (There are no signs out in the back of beyond. You just have know how to get to where you are going.)

So I had NO idea where I was. No idea where I came from either (told you this stuff makes you stupid).

I managed to get back on the road I was on (it doesn't have a name, either) and thought to myself, "Ogden. I'm going to Ogden." (I am nowhere NEAR Ogden.)

As I'm going past the big barn off the road, I know I'm supposed to turn where the Budweiser sign used to be seven years ago but out here in Boswell-land, there are no signs, no street names and the only landmarks are crops and it is harvest time right now, so the hay bales that were in the fields yesterday are gone today.

There are two huge prisons out here and I'm not real sure at this point which one I'm supposed to go. No worries!

I'll go to eenie meanie mine-y-mo and pick this one. If I'm wrong, they won't let me in and then somebody in charge will look at my badge and figure out where the heck I'm supposed to be and call them up to fetch me.

No worries.

Oh, I eventually sorted it all out. I picked the right one. When I got into the check in, they let me in. I recognized the door to my office. We were moving, so it was all topsie turvy anyway. I spent most of the day watching inmates strip the floors and move stuff. It was sort of like grown up recess.

My new office isn't ready yet. Maybe tomorrow. Or not. I only have a desktop and a box and I'm not even real sure what my new job even is.

Probably pretty apt, doncha think?

How a BAD THING can be a very good thing indeed

2008-07-26T20:54:00.001-07:00

My son has autism and schizophrenia. It is a long, involved and mainly scarey story that is mostly in the distant past. He is fine now. Well, SSI fine.
He has his issues.
He volunteers at the local mental health center 40 hours a week and at the end of the week is pretty much peopled out. Mike and I are in high people careers, so we understand exactly how he feels. That's why we leave town on the weekends and don;t even leave the yard.

When we are gone, Ben goes over to our house and in exchange for the cable and the a/c and the computer, he cleans up the kitchen, puts away the laundry, remakes my bed (I manage to get the laundry DONE, folded/sorted/hung...just not put away). He cleans up the counters and vacuumns. Makes sure the dogs have water. Watches tv. Surfs the internet. It is a good trade for all of us.
I leave food in the fridge and he makes sure that it is all cleaned out by the time I get home on Sunday, so when I take him home, I can stop at the market for the week.

Works for all of us.

Weekend at the frog pond

2008-07-26T10:17:00.000-07:00

The nice thing about knitting so slowly is that the skill set kicks in and I actually DO learn something. I've figured out the 9 million mistakes I made on the back of this sweater I'm making my husband, so I'm ripping the entire back out, clear back to the ribbing and trying a new tack. The pattern I'm using (in the most casual sense of the word) is one I've made up myself.

The actual goal of knitting is to make the garment fit the wearer...instead of the other way around.
And knitting is really simple math (counting), two sticks and some string, I would THINK that since I have an MA in Math (la di dah...don't get too impressed..no one at the bank is, which tells you about my counting ability), I could manage this.

Of course, I have a deep seated problem with doing that gauge/swatch stuff AND counting (it will take me maybe six weeks to accurately cast on anything).

So I've taken measurements of several sweaters that he likes, plus the shirt pattern that I drafted, plus the sweatshirts he likes....figured out the commonality of the measurements and drew up a schematic. Most people are not symmetrical and Mike is no exception. That little detail gets taken care of by increasing in mid fabric to seamlessly and all but invisibly tend to that. It's the opposite of darts in sewing, if that makes sense.

Lisi has the opposite problem...petite and multiple darts. Lots of invisible ribbing, with skinny yarns, so the ribbing is even less apparent..

I am DELETING bookmarks at 0200

2008-07-25T02:27:00.000-07:00

I bookmark everything that catches my interest in the least.

Then of course, I either never go back and look at it, can;t find it or if I do find it, can;t for the life of me understand what possessed me to bookmark it.

So I am purging in a big way. A bookmark absolutely has to make the cut (as in NOT being part of the world wide waste of time). A new favorite is PIONEER WOMAN....she does photo shop stuff, which of course would be cause for me to have my head stuck in the computer because I actually would be learning a skill set.

Skill set. New catch phrase at the prison. Not to be confused with skill saw.

I finally found out from Bobby the Bug Guy why all these moves are taking place (during the absolutely hottest part of the 9th ring of hell). The departments are far flung. Supervisors can't keep an eye on us. Well, duh. That's why I liked working out behind work change. EVERYONE left me alone. Now that we are making an obscene amount of money, Sacramento wants to make sure that someone is watching me all day long to make sure they are getting their money's worth.

Probably not. Or maybe. Depends on whether we have air conditioning. The A/C units we have right now look like something on Serenity, with the cool air coming out of these big dryer ducts. By big, I mean big enough for me to stick my whole head in and gasp in the cold air. I guess you had to be there. I looked like I was freebasing at Richard Pryor's house. And if you have to ask, you are just too young to know.

Now I will be in the back of beyond, but in the Borg. I guess Glenda and I will have to make a cute sign that says
Glenda.....In...Out....Out and About on 3A/3B/3C/SHU/PHU/ACH/LEV 1/Admin/Litagations
Chloe.......In...Out

Glenda gets out more than I do.

I have a TON of GED packets that I want to scan (I have yet to figure out this scanning skill set) so that it is in my computer and I can just conjure up a set, instead of frantically attempting to FIND the last set known to man. I do have 30 tutors who have to have timecards turned in every month (two different kinds...I don't know). That is the bulk of my job. I have a clerk who is doing three 35 year terms for murder. He was a paid assassin. Not near as cool as Mr. and Mrs. Smith or even Gross Point Blank. Because of course, this was REAL LIFE, as opposed to the movies.

Union meeting last night and no, I didn;t go. They are a bunch of holering screamers and I figure i FUND them....I don;t have to listen to them. O'Dd was there and was pontificating this morning about people who expect the union to represent them but are unwilling to support the union.

Up goes the finger.
"Do not EVER attempt to tell ME how I am to spend MY evenings. I pay dearly for the union. And if I could,instead, send it to Dakfur Charities, I would. I went out on strike for THREE WEEKS with a baby on my hip. So do not EVER attempt to tell me how I am supposed to aupport my union. I think at $160/month.....that is support enough."
O'Ddd was speechless and whirled out.

I will probably catch hell for it at some point. Like I care.
I got written up (first time in eight years) over ONE cell in my report. Actaully 2 cells. I had charged off some missing student time to custody (I charge custody every chance I get...it is usually their fault anyway) and it should have been charged to EDUCATION. (B FAT D). Let me see...how many cells do I have in a month? 10 x 30 =300 x 60=1800....and I get written up for screwing up. TWO. CELLS.

I must be making more money than I thought.

Well, actually, I am. I got a note in the mail the other day and oopsie...they had misfigured my credits, of which I have a gazillion. And then I get extra money for all my language tests. And my gun stuff. And my hostage stuff. (Believe me. If they resort to giving me a gun and having me do the hostage stuff? The world as we kow it is over. Dig a hole.) SO they were going to have to figure out how big of a screw up they had made since last August and send me a check. Someday here pretty soon.

I celebrated by filling my car up with gas.

I love my job...except I'm not sure what it is

2008-07-23T15:48:00.000-07:00

I love working at the prison. I love most of the people I work with. Even the really crazy ones...well, let's just say I can usually see a hot mess of crazy and not think it's me.

So we are moving over to the back of beyond, about TWO MILES from the parking lot down a cement alley we call main street that is back by cement buildings. So we are all packing up our offices (I am #8) and moving over to the old upholstery shop so the guys at the BoB can move into our offices and then we can move into their vacated space. Sound simple?

Except half the people moving are tied up in super duper high security something else, so many somebody elses have to pack for them. (I've moved people out of offices and set them back up elsewhere....and it is always just a little awkward to see what kind of junk people keep in their in boxes. Messy.)

So yesterday, I asked my first line supervisor exactly WHAT THE HECK he was planning for me to be doing? (Always just ask. Much quicker that way.) He said he didn't know. So when I saw HIS boss in the parking lot, I asked him. He said he didn't know.

I did not believe either one of them, since it is impossible for me to be going in to work every day with no apparent assignment for apparently the next 300 days. (Well, 600 days, if you count all the holidays and vacations and weekends. Immaterial.)

So today, a scant 24 hours after being today that neither one of them had any idea what i would be doing, I got a memo telling me that I would be sharing an office with Glenda. Huh. Glenda told me LAST WEEK that we were going to be sharing an office.

However, I still have no clue what I'm going to do. I thought I was going to be doing some kind of GED thing, but Frank told me that today HE was doing the GED thing. Plus, we've hired three new teachers....and where the heck they are going to put them is beyond me. Unless, of course, I'm in the line for a medical retirement (hello, 90%!).

So tomorrow, I'm borrowing some thugs to drag my stuff over to the old upholstery shop and then "draw" a line around it in masking tape and mark everything with a big "8" so that on Friday, different thugs can move my #8 stuff into my new #8 office. With three windows.

The view? Two hallways.

Of course, the office I really wanted has that one way mirrored stuff on the windows and doors. Much more entertaining.

Good news about goals

2008-07-22T20:46:00.001-07:00

I am almost debt free. I have just a couple of credit cards which will be paid off (and shredded) by August 2. I use them on line, so it's not like I NEED to have them in my handbag. They email me the bills and I pay them.

So on September 2, my check will belong to me me me. Well, me and toys for the dogs, grooming for Rocket, my toes, my nails, my hair.....clothes, shoes, yarn, books......anything I think of to purchase for my Girlie and anything I can think of to purchase for my Boy-o who will be living in his own house by then. Maybe a year long bus pass? He has all the kitchen/bath/house stuff he needs, except for one of those automatic water-ers for the dog.

This is a little 2 bedroom house and the front bedroom? he is putting up an extra twin bed we have so that Lisi can come visit. Maybe he and I will go thrift store shopping and get the curtains and spread and stuff...new pillows, though.

We have figured out the BEST thing for good storage and a nice night stand, too. Target has these stackable drawers for shoes, underwear, etc. Two together, topped with a plywood round and a round tablecloth makes for a really nice night stand. (You can keep canceled checks or important papers in the drawers. Whatever.

At the foot of said twin bed will be one of my trucks, where extra blankets/sheets/towels are stored. Too cool for school.

My friend Nusan gave him her wrought iron pool fence, which is now his front fence. The glass shop guy (who thinks that although Ben could be a bum, he's not) gave us all the windows from a job where the people paid and then just left the deal, Happens a lot in construction. That's how I got my super duper jacuzzi wow bath tub for the hotel. People ordered it (paid the contractor's price) and the skipped out of the deal. And there he is, stuck with this super duper jet ski bath tub no one wants. And there we are, looking for a super duper jet ski bath tub.

Anyway, we also have a customer call who just bought a brand new never been lived in house for $200K (with prices the way they are, it is probably a $500K house).

His wife hates the kitchen. So we are tearing out a perfectly brand new, maple cabinet, CORIAN COUNTERED, dishwasher/stove/fridge so she can have the kind Kelly Ripka has. In the meantime, Ben will have what she had.

Doesn't this work great? Of course, I still have two pieces of molding missing in MY house. 13 years now.
Do I complain? Nope.

I have kitchen drawers that have popped off their rails. Do I complain? Nope. I need new grout everywhere and you better believe I am keeping my mouth shut about THAT because I re-grouted EVERYTHING in Florida. It is seriously not a job for me. A moron could do it and by the time I DID do it, not only had I worn off all the polish on my fingers and toes, I thought maybe I WAS a moron.

So we figure that the real estate market will come back up one day....it always does....and then we will do a little repairs (cover everything and shoot the entire interior with Navajo White) but leave the big stuff....like painting the outside and ripping out the white carpet as a sale deduction. Everyone knows that they aren't going to rip out the carpet but we all pretend that that is going to happen. And guess who is the only company in the county who will scrape/repair/repaint these old wooden Victorians? That would be us. And who do you think even knows how to rebuild screens for all these old windows? Right again!

I need to write a note to the yard guy and have him start putting the grass clippings into the garden boxes. Then you nail on lattice and plant one thing in each square.....say one squash plant in the squash box or one melon plant in the melon box. I have these wooden towers that settle right in the middle so stuff can grow up and non of the fruit lays on the wet ground. It looks wonderful and lush.

I'm ripping out all of the 128 rose bushes from the house my mother rented from us and put them over here. THAT will fill up the front. Well, not ME. I'm not actually doing it. I THOUGHT of it. Pete's doing it. He thinks it will look great. He calls this an estate and tells customers that he works at this big estate on the edge of town. He comes over ever week and mows or weeds or something. Now mind you, there is always just enough little stuff that I can do so I don;t feel totally useless. But nothing more than about 30 minutes....because I have that 30 yard over at the coast I have to worry about.

I'm wrapping the filter for the koi pond with a bamboo shade and hanging flat sided planters over the edge. Each one will be filled with mint (impossible to kill) and will have a little aquarium tube from the filter into the planters, so it is always damp. And my fish! My 2,000 fish barely make a dent in this pond....and some of them are as big as my hand. I have huge frogs, too....so no bugs in my backyard.

Notice that most of this work can be accomplished in one afternoon.....and I will be spending more time buying the stuff than actually DOING it?

My kind of farming.